I am talking about these videos which come out every January, and by February, you will get them for £0.99p in the bargain bucket.
Every year, a load people I have never heard of release there “Bunny Bounce Workout!” or some other such stupidly titled rubbish.
“You too can get a figure like mine by jumping up and down like a bunny on acid for only 3 minutes a day while waving your hands in the air like you just don’t care!”. They forget to tell you that the hunger built up by doing said workout should not be filled by a trip to the Krispy Kreme donut shop, and that the workout reeeeeeally wont work unless you drastically change your way of life.
Why do people buy them? OK, so I know why…because it is a new year and you have your resolutions to uphold which is to get the figure like sticky the stick insect.
But what does having the sticky the stick insect body bring you? Is it because people think they are ugly and unattractive? And what happens if after 3 days of doing the bouncy wavey workout, you don’t have that figure?
Generally people at this stage give up.
Does this mean that people think they (if single) will be left on the shelf forever?
Well don’t worry if your workout doesn’t go completely to plan…because…
*drum roll*
According to someone with too much spare time and a lacking interest in real research, by 2050 you will be able to hump a robot. Legally. Not that I guess it would be illegal now, but the robots built by 2050 will be designed to let you get your end away rather then those of today which mean attaching yourself to the exhaust of a robot and depending on the heat, getting blistered on the end of your fun department. But again, if that’s your “thing”, then your time has already come my friend! (excuse the pun).
It is also said that you will be able to marry them. Come on…that cant be serious. For some people it is hard enough to come out of the closet and show their parents there new “best friend”, but how the hell do you ever walk up to your parents and say “Mum. Dad. This is CXZ-42D. I love her, and we are getting married!”.
You are basically showing your parents your new automated hand shandy machine.
And over time, you are going to become old, yet lil ol‘ CXZ is going to stay looking the same. So if you want to hide your little secret, you are going to have to blind everyone who knows you…or move to Thailand.
What happens if you want to divorce CXZ? You know that some “Robots Rights” bunch of numpties will rise from the ashes of broken relationships where the wife finds her husband cheating with dolly the robot and suddenly the robot is getting 50% of the cash!
It was also said that the market for these machines would be more then likely filled by those too ugly to be able to get it anywhere else. Now I know that this is not true. Ugly people get it too. I know this as I have hard facts. “What facts?” you may be thinking.
Well, my wife is pregnant. She had sex with an ugly bloke. That is about the end of my research on this matter as I believe I have fully investigated it.
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