There is a conspiracy going on in the food world. I don’t know what it is but I think it needs investigating. It might be subliminal messaging in the ads, or they are putting out shows to the susceptical people in the world and I am one of the weak minded fools being dragged in. But there are a whole load of shows telling me why I shouldn’t eat certain foods, and all it does is make me want it more.
I don’t watch much TV. I am lucky enough to be married to someone where we always have something to talk about, or just put music on and talk BS until it is time to hit the sack. But during my bi-fortnightly wander through the TV channels, I stumbled across an annoying idiot whinging about the next thing on his agenda of how to wind the UK public up. I don’t want to say his name as I don’t actually like him so don’t want to advertise him. (Hint: If you are a Brit or watch Brit TV…he says “Pukka” too much.)
He is a chef that has told us how adding things to food makes it taste so much better, and now he is complaining about the food available because things are added to it. He is also giving mass grief about a supermarket chain that pay him a lot of money each year to advertise their goods. Talk about biting the hand you hump.
The whole hot topic is salt. Frankly, I like salt. It is the perfect flavour enhancer and makes even my cooking taste less like boiled rabid rat and more like what I am making. Which is often sauteed rabid rat. (it has to be rabid as the foaming at the mouth adds to presentation)
All I have wanted since watching the 90 or so seconds of that show is something salty as all hell. I was tempted to pour salt on to my salty snacks as I just felt I was missing out because they were reduced salt snacks. But you shouldn’t have too much salt as it makes you unattractive to the opposite sex as you grow horns, or so the medical people tell us.
I believe in free will. I believe in the fact that I should be able to decide what I feel I want in life. Eating a very salty snack is not, the last time I looked, illegal.
So why cant I have my salty snack with extra added salt rather then “less then 0.00000000064% less salt compared to 1854!” as the wrapper tells me in a way I am supposed to find exciting. All it did was ruin the flavour for me as I didnt feel the need to drink a gallon of water after it and I missed out on the cool heart palpitations.
Then there is the film “Super Size Me”. I hate McDonald’s and almost completely refuse to eat there. The exception is the odd chicken burger. But the chicken burger is a last resort and comes just before the falafel van on the list I label “Avoid at all costs. Danger lives here”.
What the bloody hell is a falafel anyway? It sounds like it is made from the left overs of child birth. “Oh hunny…it’s a little girl! Oh, and here comes the falafel! *Splat* mmmmm salty!”
But since watching Super Size Me, my insides are practically pleading for a Big Mac. How is this happening? I generally relate eating McDonalds to the less then exciting turbo bowel movement 20 minutes after ingesting the advanced polymer they use for an egg in the breakfasts or the poor excuse for meat they use for the burgers.
If you know why I am suddenly getting these feelings, please send me a note attached to a salty snack or a voucher for a fast food restaurant. If you don’t know why, just send the snacks and vouchers!
Sorry, I couldnt resist the photo. Salt ‘n Pepper. Pure 80’s cheese!
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 