I am concerned that I might be immortal. Is it really good to be immortal?
A long life is not for the faint hearted. You are born in to this world unable to control your bowel and bladder. Then as the years go on, you get old and lose control of the same bowel and bladder. I don’t want that last bit. (although after a heavy drinking session, the bladder bit happens regardless)
I don’t live a healthy lifestyle. I eat a lot of rubbish, I enjoy a beer or three hundred and think that exercise is for people who like cuddly toys, long relaxing baths and incredibly tight clothing. Whereas for me, it is internet, fast food, alcohol and watching rugby on TV.
So I need something. Anything. Something to make me realise I am indeed having my midlife crisis. Something to make me know I have hit half way through life so I know I am not stuck here forever. At very close to 33 years of age (my birthday is in March if you want to send me card and presents) I think I might be running out of time to have my crisis before I am too old and get a letter from the queen (or whatever doofus we have as the monarch of this tiny overpopulated island) saying well done on reaching 100 years of age.
After much consideration about what I can seriously take up to show that my midlife crisis is in full swing, I have decided to take up knitting. Yes I know that a midlife crisis is about doing something super stupid that only someone younger will do, which is why my knitting will be done with cars. 2 teams of 2 cars. Huge ball of yarn attached and the 2 cars in the team cross each others paths making a pattern and and the first one to knit a nice jersey with a christmas tree on it big enough to fit the Statue of Liberty wins. But you have to drive blindfold. On a cliff. Wearing a mankini. I should also note that I dont really know how to knit, so this really would be an experiment in the experimantal.
Who says knitting is boring and for old people?! Any other midlifers up for being the other 3 drivers? Come on…don’t be shy.
Of course, it would be wrong to not look back at my life and wonder if I had already had one. All I could come up with was when I was 16 years and 6 months old, I had a period of being a little “off”. Doing things which were just really stupid and could have ended my life early. But that wouldn’t be “my” midlife crisis would it? Because if it is, that means I will die in… subtract the 2, times by the number of fingers on my left hand, spin round 3 times and I am left with….oh crap.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 