I saw an advert for hotels.com the other day. It said “Find out everything you need to know!”. So I went there and asked if Elvis was alive. They couldn’t answer me. Actually, they offered me a hotel in Fiji. So I don’t know really. Was that a subliminal “psssst…he is over there.” reply? Why do they make it so cryptic? Why do they not just say “Of course he bloody isn’t. Why won’t you people get over it already?!” And will people be asking this question in 50 years time? I think they probably will. At that point I am going to start sending them to the stupid island.
It was just after this that I saw yet another person imagining that they can make a lot of money online without actually doing anything. I really hate those sites. You go there, and it is a page of ads with no content whatsoever. So is the person writing it contentless, or just incontinent? Because naturally, when I see a page of ads, I feel a huge need to order some viagra, check my stocks and shares and book a holiday to Tikrit in Iraq. That way the website wannabee will make lots of money while I on the otherhand will look like I am packing a piece in Saddam’s home town while waving my money about the place. I see that as having potential problems with me extending my life.
But should you feel the need to want to try and make money with a lot of ads on your site…give up. It won’t work. Really. Just stop. People think you are stupid and want to throw rocks at you.
Instead, I have come up with a master plan and a guaranteed way to make money. I have not tried it myself yet, so give it a few days before you try OK? Afterall, I thought of it so I should get to be the first to reap the benefits.
What you do is: Write to Microsoft and say You! Don’t! Need! Yahoo!. For a mere $20Billion, I will tell everyone they need to go to MSN to search for stuff. And my mate crazy Dave said he will personally tattoo “Search! Using! Microsoft!” on my behind. (You need great buns and a penchant for showing them off for this part of the advertising to work out, so actually, give me more then a few days as I need to get in training)
Then if 2 of us do this, M$ have spent the $40Billion on 2 purchases rather then just Yahoo!.
I don’t get why people dont think of this stuff before they plaster their sites with useless annoying ads and then lie and say they make thousands a month. Thousands of Yen maybe…
As for me? I’m a winner, which is why I think of the great ways to do things (and then never actually do them). Well, that is what my Mum said. I believe she may be bias though. Therefore I took my research on this to the public at large. After many “Who the hell are you?” and “Go away or I will hit you” comments, I asked my Mum again. Yup. I’m a winner!
Note: I used the words “guaranteed to make money online” to see how many people wander over here from a search engine looking for the promise of wasting thie time and mine.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 