I was trying to think about what to write about without touching on certain subjects such as politics etc. So I went on a hunt for material. What did I find? Panda Porn. And I don’t mean this in the dodgy Human vs Animal in illegal (in most countries) sexual battle type Panda Porn. What I found is a story where they are filming 2 Panda’s in grunting squidgy encounters to show to other Panda’s who appear to be unaware of what to do with each other.
Has it not occurred to them that the reason they aren’t getting on with it is because maybe one is gay? Or they are just not compatible? Panda’s lasted until now, so obviously they do have sex. Maybe they don’t enjoy being watched when they are trying to get their freak on?! I am pretty sure that if I was hoping to spend some time investigating my wife, and there were a group of Panda’s watching, that I probably wouldn’t be too keen to carry on until they went away.
They go on to say that after the “encounter”, the female Panda is known to beat the living hell out of the male. This is a problem? Because some human males pay good money to enjoy that side of it! Maybe she is just not happy with his performance? Maybe he deserved it? Of course, should my wife decide that she feels a need to punch me afterwards, I will be having some strong words. But in the Panda world, it is apparently normal. Does this mean that every male Panda is pants in the sack or that the women are just too difficult to please so he does the job and then heads off to eat bamboo with the lads and talk about the Panda at the end of the bar in the short skirt who has the morals of a randy hamster.
I wonder if the video didn’t work because there was some dodgy foreign language dubbed over it and “oohh yes…Me Love Panda Loving – Show me your bamboo baby” in some Arabic language just didn’t float their boat. And is it wrong that I am actually seriously thinking of looking for it on the net? No, that can’t be wrong as I can watch Animal Planet and see a lizzard playing slip and slide on a daily basis.
They go on to say that the female Panda happily sits there and eats an apple while watching the film rather then getting jiggy with it with the male Panda. On mentioning this to my wife, she said “well everyone likes popcorn and a movie”. There you have it Mr and Mrs Scientist people. An accountant worked out what you cannot. You will need to take the Panda’s out for a nice meal before showing them the video. They will have had so much to eat, they will be more interested in working it off then chowing down on an apple.
You can view the original source HERE
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 