In my time on this little blue marble, I have been able to drink a lot of alcohol in one session. This is in no way a “yeah I am great at drinking” post, but when I read “had downed six beers, vodka and whisky”, I didn’t get excited at his drinking prowess. Actually, as recent as last year in my younger years, this was standard fare and I was still able to function like a real human being and not act like a complete ‘tard. So when I read about THIS idiot swallowing his door key because he didn’t want to go home, I realised he needed to be sent to the stupid island. At least he already has the key to the lock of his house there.
What is it with people sticking items in various orifices? Some examples of what people are doing in the name of….erm…hell, someone go to the comments section and let me know what we should label these under:
“A 20-year-old Taiwanese woman had to have a mobile phone surgically removed from her back passage after a sex game went horribly wrong.” A sex game? At what point during sex do you say to your partner “Sweetie. I feel a huge need to phone your colon. This might hurt a little.” Oh, and in case you want to know, the phone was a Nokia 8850 which is just not a small phone. Of course, size doesn’t matter right? Cosmo lies!
Or the nurse who had to “explain to an irate mother that her son had a vibrator stuck up his arse“. Well I guess we have all done this one in life right?
There are also occasions where you do not have to jam anything in places it was not intended for. Sometimes you just need to surf naked with a laptop on the family jewels.
On a lighter note:
There was a woman who “jammed the 15cm brush down her throat, managed to phone for an ambulance. Quick-thinking paramedics at the scene found a toothbrush similar to the one she swallowed and took it with them to hospital.” They found a similar toothbrush? Where was she? What was she doing to jam a toothbrush down her throat? I don’t know about you, but the act of brushing my teeth is not done on a running track or while doing push-ups. Why? because I don’t do either of them. I do wonder what toothpaste she was using though.
I once wanted to be a paramedic to help people. This was in my days of caring what people thought about me and I liked to receive praise for helping people. These days I know I am a genius, and know people don’t feel worthy enough to tell me, so I do IT and don’t talk to anyone.
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