(I will upload the image when I get home. Oh, and when I have found one suitable.)
My apologies for my last post. I read it again today and really did think it was rubbish! I hope to make amends with this post. But then again…
The words “Oranges”, “Romania”, “Scooby-Doo”, and “Unicorn” followed by the phrase “Just the first things that came to my mind” are not normally associated with each other, but this is the content Anca has requested be part of this post. Anca is fairly new to the whole blogging thing, so swing by and say hello. Oh, and it looks like she is Romanian. So I think she may be trying to drum up some free tourism for her homeland by asking that the country is included. I shall put pay to that one now then!
It was a cold and eerie night. The howling wind swirled the leaves high in to the cold night air. There is no sign of life. A tree creaks and tumbles. Then another, and another. An entire orchard falls to it’s knees quicker then a cheap hooker handed $5.
This is not how Florida should be. It is highly likely that the Orange crop for the year is pretty much screwed. The following morning, the orange farmer comes out to inspect the damage. His wife calls to him. “Vlad! Stop playing with your oranges and come in for a nice glass of cocoa”. Vlad (which is short for Steven)did not like his wife interrupting him while inspecting his damaged crops, so he impales a rotting Orange with his walking stick.
Vlad, a placid man with hair like a sack of squashed worms and glasses that Harry Potter would be proud of, was not known for having a temper. He hated his nickname (Impaler) because his walking stick looked like a sword.
After inspection, Vlad returns to the house and calls to his wife, Betty Lou. It is obvious that the whole crop is ruined, so Vlad claims on his insurance to recover his lost costs.
With the money, Vlad goes on a spending spree. Via the medium of eBay, he buys a whole manner of weird and wonderful items ranging from the totally stupid “Change the colour of your urine” kit to the impressively useful “porcelain monkey figurine”.
The porcelain monkey figurine arrived and was given pride of place on the mantlepiece. A few weeks later, while Betty Lou was polishing the figurine, she drops it. It smashes, and inside the remains she finds a map. She calls Vlad who looks closely at the map. It is a map of a castle in Romania showing some kind of buried treasure.
“Betty Lou! Pack my bags, I am going on a treasure hunt!” Vlad squeels with an excitement she has not seen since he first squeezed orange in the name of something other then juice. “I shall pack our bags!” she replies.
“Our?” Vlad replies and mutters incoherently as he leaves the room.
Upon making it to Romania, he gets a cab to his hotel room, ready for his adventure. He feels an uneasy sensation as if he is being watched or followed, but realises that it is actually because of the tochitura dish and tuica, the plum brandy he had on the plane. The uneasy sensation goes shortly after he emerges from his hotel bathroom.
The following morning, Vlad, with an eagerness of a puppy running round in circles needing to empty it’s bladder, heads off to find the castle.
Following the map to the castle, he realises he cannot get in while it is daylight, so hides in a dense forest to the south of the castle. While hiding, he hears a voice, and hides behind a pile of leaves.
“Oh yeah, I will go get the dinner. I will wash the dishes. I have to do everything. Blah blah blah. Oh wont she shut up” the voice repeats over and over. He looks up, and a Unicorn is walking through the forest talking to himself.
Thinking that he may have had a little too much juice last night, he lays low. Suddenly the Unicorn appears behind him. “Hi, I am Unicov. King of allll the Unicorns!” the Unicorn procliams. “Can I ask why you are in my forest?” Vlad, taken back in surprise stutters, unable to string any words together. “Oh come on, I am just a Unicorn. But did I mention I am UNICOV! KIIIIING OF ALLLLL THE UNICORNS!” Unicov proclaims again. Vlad, gathering himself, replies back to him. “You were just walking though this forest moaning. Why are you now a king?” “Oh” replied Unicov. “You heard that eh?”
Vlad explains to Unicov about the map and shows him. Unicov is interested in helping him find the treasure, but warns that there is another group looking for the treasure. A scraggly haired man and a brown talking dog. And that they were going in to the castle tonight to get the treasure.
As night falls, Vlad and Unicov make their way to the castle. They can hear voices on the wall behind them. They listen in, hoping to gain an advantage.
“Scooby, we need to climb over that wall. There is a scooby snack in it for you if you suck it up and be a real man this time rather then the wimpy little git you normally are. Don’t make me get Scrappy on the case again and leave you out of it.” The other voice agrees and in a pathetically stupid voice, starts to climb the wall.
Unicov shows Vlad a path to an underground cavern which will lead them to the treasure. Vlad is worried. How does Unicov know the exact location of the treasure, but never went there on his own to get whatever treasure he is about to find. To save confrontation with something with a long sharp pointy thing on his head, Vlad stays quiet.
A while in to the cavern, they hear the voices of Scooby-Doo and the other voice getting closer. Trying to hide, they are spotted. Scooby-Doo who turns out to be a talking dog of all things, comes after them. “What is it with the damn talking animals in this country!” Vlad wonders.
Vlad and Unicov run, trying to get away. Managing to lose him, they again make there way in a different direction towards the treasure.
There, where the X marks on the map, is a box. It is a small box, but made of gold so shiny you could see your own face in it. Which was lucky, as if you saw someone elses face in there it would have been scary as hell. Not that a talking unicorn isn’t…
Behind them, Scooby and the man appear. “I think you will find that is our treasure.” Scooby says in a deeply stupid voice. Unicov turns around sharply, as if ready for an epic battle. He runs towards Scooby and Scooby starts running towards him. They have an epic battle lasting at least 5 seconds before a deft strike of the pointy thing on his head, Unicov impales Scooby. Scooby makes a noise like a wilderbeast farting and falls to the floor. His partner runs in to the darkness of the cavern.
Vlad and Unicov make there escape from the castle agreeing to share the treasure together using the time honoured oath or rubbing each others pointy things until completely happy.
Time fades to black.
The sun is shining. The orange tree’s surrounding Vlad stand strong and tall.. Baby Unicorns play between the tree’s. In a box in the loft stands an open wooden box. In the box lays a small gold box.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 