This post has been written to show the other side of a story. Tamera wrote a post about a photo she was trying to take of an amphibian which was not interested in having it’s photo taken. I recommend reading that before you read the below or this will mean nothing at all. This post is seen through the eyes of the amphibian:
It is with great pleasure that I have an internationally famous TV star to interview in this post. He is Peter the Amphibian. He was in many many shows such as “Natural Earth: Mother nature is going to bite you on the ass.”, “Amphibian Planet: Come a little closer. I won’t bite. Hard.” and the lesser known “Amphibians: A Freaks story” amongst many others. Peter is a dear friend of mine and has asked me to do this interview regarding some problems he had on a recent holiday with a crazed fan.
Sy: Peter. Great to see you again. How are you?
P: Hi. Thank you Sy. It is a pleasure to be here with you, and for the hospitality that you and your wife have shown me. I didn’t eat your cat either. She went outside to play, so if she doesn’t come back, I don’t know where she is. *burp*
Sy: No problem my friend. Now. Lets talk about a holiday (or vacation for our American readers) you took recently. What was supposed to be a quiet break ended up in you being stalked by some mad nutter with a camera?
P: Indeed. Let me tell you the story. I went on a holiday to Houston, Texas. A nice little retreat of a big lake and not too much in the way of people there. Somewhere I could wind down after intense shooting of a TV show I am working on called “Gator Bater: Snap to it”. Anyway, I was there enjoying a nice swim and out of the corner of my eye, I see a woman staring at me through a window of one of the nearby houses. She starts pointing and saying something. I couldn’t really tell as my lip reading is not that good, but it looked like complete gibberish. Hell, it could have been Norwegian for all I know.
Anyway, she looked like she had left, so I carried on swimming, but then just a short while later, there she is again. This time she is outside armed with a camera. Do people just not realise I am here for a swim and nothing else? So I decide to basically play dead. I sunk further below the water and watched her. Giving her the “Yeah I see ya. Move on. Nothing to see here” look. But she blatantly stayed there for ages before disappearing.
Sy: It sounds harrowing when all you want is a break away from the fans!
P: Oh for sure. Well, get this. I finally get back to the summer house I am renting, and there on the porch…a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. And then next to it is this note.
Sy: What did the note say?
P: It said *gets note out of pocket* “I made you some special cookies and I milked the duck myself. Enjoy”.
Sy: She milked a duck?
P: *laughing* I KNOW!! At least she told me. And I don’t even want to know what the “chocolate chips” were in the cookies. But I noticed a rabbit cage in the garden where she was looking through the window. But get this. While I am reading the note, she jumps out of a bush and takes a photo!
Sy: No way! She was hiding in the bush?
P: Sy, I am not making this up. She stalked me. Are there not enough pictures of me on Google already? Why do people invade my privacy like this!
Sy: So what did you do?
P: I confronted her. I asked what she was doing. She said “I feel there could be a connection with you and I”
Sy: *Interrupting* Ohhh, don’t even finish that line. I see where you are going.
P: Yip. Oh, and get this. She wrote a blog post about my visit there! I am never going back there again! There was even a newspaper the following morning with a really cheesy headline on it! Honestly, I refuse to set foot there again.
Sy: I don’t blame you buddy. Listen. Thanks for your time today. And thanks for sharing your story with my readers.
P: It’s all good big guy. Glad I could be here. Wanna grab a beer? *coughs up a hairball*
Peter can be seen on the Discovery channel every Sunday at 8pm in “Phibby’s world: Scaling new heights”, a show where you can see him trekking along the Southeastern States. I have not found my cat yet.
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