A woman had a toilet seat removed from her behind after sitting on it for 2 years. According to the story, her boyfriend brought her food and water every day. The skin of her behind had grown round the toilet seat. Police are also investigating the boyfriend to see if she was mistreated. (why didn’t he bring her curry instead? I mean, you are already there for when the evacuation takes place).
There are people who laze about in front of the TV for longer, but they are OK. I have had times where I have laid about like a vast slug, yet my skin has never attached itself to the TV. So why the toilet? What did she do for entertainment? Unless she lived in one of those houses which has a little too much reading material next to the can…
I think I know why she chose the toilet. I know some people that are so full of shhhurely there has to be a more comfortable place to sit. Get a comode. Adult nappies. Use a cork. There are ways to get out there and see the world without having to sit on the can 24×7.
Of course, on the issue of toilets… Today the organisers of the Chinese Olympics have said they are refitting all of the toilets after athletes complained of having to squat. I don’t know about the rest of my male readers, but I have never ever squatted in front of a urinal. Why would you? There is a comfy freeflowing thing going on there. And just how did they find this out? Did they get athletes from all around the world to go to Beijing and say “Hewoo, this our big stadium. Go test toilet. You test toilet now. You complain, we kick you out. You like, we make flied lice”.
I just don’t get it. I am now considering testing all the toilets in the building I work at and create a nice excel spreadsheet with a “Squatability factor” on it. And then, should I find myself having a “Anyone got any immodium?” moment, I can find the best toilet for the job in seconds via a well written macro.
It is also worth mentioning that the shops are just not helping us with the staying off of the toilet issue. According to THIS story, a London department store is selling a 70lb chocolate egg. They also say it weighs the same as a 9 year old boy. Now, when I was 9, I had a nice little chubby football playing kiddie frame. Other kids had the “Damn dude…where’d the pies go?” and others disappeared when they stood sideways. So which 9 year old boy is it? And is it sexist that they made it the weight of a nine year old boy? Does an 11 year old girl weigh the same as a 9 year old boy?
Whatever way it is, if you eat a 70lb chocolate egg, or cook and eat a 9 year old boy, you are going to spent a lot of time using my spreadsheet.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 