I have read two news stories tonight. One was about a cow misbehaving, and the other a bull misbehaving. To look at the stories HERE and HERE, you will see they seem very unrelated incidents in two different countries over a period of time longer then 18 seconds apart.
Or are they?
I uncovered evidence that these two random acts are indeed not random acts, and that the bovine population of the world have plans to wage a war on us. I have spent many hours at my own personal risk to bring you my story. Heed my warnings. I know the following may be a little “Animal Farm” in it’s seemingly Orwellian totalitarianism, but read no fiction below this point.
During my investigation in to this beef insurgency, I discovered detailed plans, DVD’s and books hidden in a field near Beef HQ. The Beef Heirachy did experiments on homeless cows to build a master race of cow soldiers, but they all turned mad. But then they realised they could take over the world by making sure that the humans ate the meat, thus killing them, or at least making them start saying “MOO” instead of talking. The book, “The Batti Guide” (Bovine Attrition Tactics Through Insurgency) also described plans to water down the milk sold to shops and to make huge profits on it to help wage their domination efforts.
I have also watched the head of the cow and bull sects having secret meetings with the sheep contingent. It is my thoughts that the sheep are the foot soldiers as it would seem unlikely that they have the brainpower to carry through the details of plans I have read and seen put in to action.
During my time investigating, my family had noticed fields of cows which were not in those fields the day before. As if they are watching us.
It all came to a head on Tuesday when there was a knock at my door. Upon opening it, I came face to face with a group of cows in balaclava’s. Although polite in there conversation to start with, it was obvious they were not accepting me watching them any longer. It appears that they knew all along that I was watching, but what I had not realised is that I had stumbled on to something bigger. Something more then I thought was a plan of the Bulls and Cows taking the world.
What I had seen was only the tip of the iceberg. The battle I had seen was actually the start of something a LOT bigger. The animals had been double crossed by the Fruitarians. Yes, Fruit Loop had regrouped and the story he told to the police was indeed real. The fruits were aliens. Fruit Loop had joined forces to create an intergalactic army to fight the humans. The fruits on earth were devoid of any arms or legs. (it is thought that the ozone, being the danger it is, causes their arms and legs to change shape, which is why fruits are generally on trees. They were being held together in one place while the war back home continued.) Therefore it was decided that they needed an army. Fruit Loop had called on the bovine armies of the UK. But he had double-crossed them, and the Bovines are taking the fight to them.
More as I get it. Be well my friends, I hope the battle will not last long. I have been invited to the frontline by the Bovine Forces, and further updates will come from the front line.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 