Sorry. I don’t like doing these posts, and this is only really the what…third time in 80+ posts? But I feel a need to do it. 2 things are bothering me. 1 seriously, and the other annoyingly.
Numero Uno:
As you know, I am a little “anti-celebrity”. This is not a blanket statement. I do like a few of them. They are the ones that try to maintain a normal life outside of work.
Then there are the others.
I hate them.
Lots. An example?
2 words. Naomi Cambell.
Did you know that “Naomi Cambell” is an anagram for quite insulting words? Yeah really! Look closely. Dont read the next line as it has the answer in it, so if you can’t work it out, move on. If you get it right, well done.
The anagram? Well, it is “worthless total whore of a human being”. Yeah I know. You have to add a few letters, and not use the C. But for the most part, the rest of the letters spell it!
I wonder if at birth, Mr and Mrs Dr in a lab with a test tube decided that they would call her that as they knew she would turn in to a complete (explicit)-wit?! I also wonder if they mixed the wrong ingredients in the test tube and mixed the sperm of the losing camel in this post and an anorexic pidgeon instead of using human ingredients?
I am bored of reading about her. OK, so I am posting about her, but the papers dont get to call her a worthless total whore of a human being. But they should. Because it is funny. To me.
But. I have to totally disagree with BA throwing her off of a flight making it delayed at Heathrow yesterday. She should have been allowed to stay on it. Yup. I am siding with her on this one. She paid for the ticket afterall.
And now I am jumping that ship and getting back on the side of reality.
Half way through the flight they should have shoved her skinny arse in the toilet and flushed it. And then emptied the contents half way over the atlantic. Then send out a mayday to let them know there is a bitch overboard. And then 11 weeks later realise they didn’t have the radio tuned in to the right frequency and Penguin FM picked up the broadcast and swam out and had a damn good laugh at her. (Are there penguins that way? I dunno. I am making this part up, and refuse to do too much investigation in to her timely leaving of this planet).
I know the cause of her problem (apart from the fact she think she is so damn important when really she is as important as me washing the dishes in the next 3 minutes). The problem is that people keep employing her. So lets boycott everyone* who employs her until they stop giving her any work. Then lets make the taxman investigate her for tax fraud (which I am fairly confident would happen). Then when she is living in a box begging for money, lets all treat her like scum instead of how it is now where we just know she is scum.
* everyone does not include chinese food, KFC, beer or anything like that.
Oh. Did you know that her perfume makes you come out in blotches, and only attractive to rabid dogs? I have a friend who wore some. She in getting treatment now for the trauma that the perfume put her through. True story.
So. I think that covers how much I hate her. Lets move on.
Numero umm..what is it for two? Uno is one, so lets say Tuno. Yeah. Numero Tuno:
My second whinge is one that you can’t really do anything about. It is ones of those phenomena (ooohh…long word! Well done Sy! Thanks Sy. Very kind of you! Your welcome Sy.) that happens and you cant do stuff all about it no matter how hard you try.
Today, I have been cleaning the house and listening to music as I do it. Yeah I know, it doesn’t happen often, but I do once in a while do it. While doing my chores set by my wife who said “If you don’t do it, I will beat you with a large stick you worthless little man”, I have been listening to some Pantera, some early Megadeth and some Stone Sour. I don’t expect you to know who they are. But they arent soft rock. They are real “clear your head out” type tracks. So why the bloody hell do I have a completely different song in my head which I heard yesterday…and do not even like?
I should also note I don’t know ANY other lyrics apart from this line:
“Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements”.
I don’t even know who sings it! I am not a fan of the song, but it just wont get out of my head. And it is making me all emotional. I might have to have a little cry later. Maybe the tears will drain it from my head? I don’t know, but I am pretty sure I am going to find out as it is driving me completely and utterly mad. MAD I TELL YOU!!! I want it to leave my head and be replaced with something normal. I can feel my sciatic nerve starting to ache through the pain of wanting to stop hearing it, and I have already felt a few synapses pack there bags and are leaving to fire in someone elses head.
Why does this happen? Any head nutjob readers in the house that can explain this to me? Or better…gimme the damn cure!
Screw this for a game of soldiers. I am off to listen to THIS again. It makes me smile. Unlike Naomi Campbell who makes me want to drink 10 pints of stellar artois and let the effects of drinking it happen to her.
No, I do not condone what Stella Artois is famous for. But I do want NC to bugger off.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 