Ahh yes. Words. Wonderful words. And Rose has politely offered me the following to write a story about: “Flight of the Hamsters”, “Wheelbarrow”, “Sistine Chapel” and “Dead Roses”. I thought about writing some futuristic exciting adventure. Instead I am doing the opposite. Why? Coz I am just crazy like that! Anyway, here we go, see if you can spot the funny bit:
Donning his biggles-like goggles, Hamster climbed in to his winged contraption. His fluffy fur waving in the wind like some confused jelly. Could this be the one that makes the break through?
His began his run. His legs moved with the fluid motion of a cartoon chicken down the runway. Nothing. No lift at all. At the end of the runway was a sandpit which Hamster ran in to and promptly fell on his face as quickly as an elephant shot with an impressively large tranquiliser dart. “Stuff it. I should have stayed working at McDonald’s. At least there was job satisfaction there.” Hamster shouted as he walked back towards his brother. His fur covered in sand making him look like some deranged neolithic Mummy.
The brothers Orville and Wilbur Hamster had a dream. Their dream was to deliver flowers around the world quicker then the current method, which was by sea. Currently, the delivery of flowers would get to the destination as a bag of dead roses which resembled dust rather then the gleaming bunch of roses that they started out as. This was giving “O & W Flowers Inc” a bad name at present. Their dream of worldwide flower delivering domination was starting to fall apart. Their biggest rival Outerflora had other ideas on how to get the flowers there and it seemed the battle was lost.
The Hamster brothers decided that it would be a lot better if they were to fly the flowers to the other country, thus the creation of their hopefully one day flying contraption. They called it the “plane”. This stood for “Pretty Lame And Novel Experience” which they named after a weird circus going experience they once had. They hoped that with the plane, their idea would take off in to a big business.
After a while, they realised that they needed to jump off of something for their plane to take off. They decided to do this off of the nearby cliffs and used test dummies to test the flight incase they crashed. In the first case, the dummy was called Herbert, and after an unsuccessful attempt, a village was relieved of it’s idiot. After several tests of jumping off of cliffs, and several more villages missing there idiot, they got a result. They decided that instead of jumping in a spherical box, they would make it a more rectangular shape with wings and more bird shaped. Orvillle convinced Wilbur to be the pilot of the next test. This was done by the mathematics of W coming before O in the alphabet. Wilbur never questioned this and climbed in the plane and Orville pushed him to the edge of the cliff after making him sign his life insurance to him in the event of an “accident”. Much to Orville’s frustration, the plane flew and his dreams of settling down rich with insurance money and a Swedish Au Pair also flew away.
Trying to contain his frustration, he congratulated Wilbur on his flight and they did a couple more tests. Realising that it worked, they decided they would now show the world their contraption.
On the 17th December, the Hamster Brothers unveiled their spectacle “The flight of the Hamsters”. They picked a glamorous location for the launch, which on this occassion was the Sistine chapel as they could get high enough to allow enough time to fly.
It was a glorious day, and as many people who will read this turned out to see the flight. All 3 of them stood excitedly waiting. And then it happened. The plane dropped from the roof and then glided away. There were cheers of “He has my wallet! Stop him!” and “Can you see my house from there?” shouted out.
They decided to then do another flight with the flowers on board to show off how they would deliver the flowers. Because Wilbur was flying, Orville pushed the wheelbarrow of soil and flowers up the stairs of the building. As he reached the top, Wilbur told him to also fly the plane on their inaugural flower flight. Orville agreed and climbed in.
The plane with a now heavy wheelbarrow at the back crashed to the ground killing Orville. Wilbur cashed in on this and forged his signature on the insurance paperwork and lived a life of luxury, giving up the flower game while his brother pushed up the daisies. At least one of them stayed in the flower business.
The moral of the story? There isn’t one. BUT, if you remember to go to http://www.thebestofblogs.com/2008/05/13/funniest-blog-vote-here-2/ and vote for me, I will consider writing something funnier in the future. If you don’t, you are gonna get the same old drivel everytime. Your choice. What is it gonna be?
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 