I don’t get much spam mail. Well, no more then a couple a week, and then I reply because it was nice of them to email me. But I got this one which I had to follow up on and order:
From: Ozzie
Subject – Get her wet and wild
Medically-proven to guarantee 3-6 inches of growth (average) – get it here now
So I ordered some, and I sprayed it on my wife’s head. Wild? She went INSANE! She chased me about the house and by the time she had finished chasing me, she was wet dripping with sweat. When she calmed down, we measured her height, but she had not grown any taller. So I guess it doesn’t work. Why would they lie to me?
I am hoping my other spam mail I received which is selling “viaodgra” works better. I kinda get the idea it wont though. What the hell can it be for?!
Maybe I followed the instructions incorrectly. But that is the thing. Why not put the instructions in English on these products? And by English, I mean Idiot English. Or Sy English if you don’t want to type the word idiot.
For instance, staying on the make things bigger line, I decided that “little Sy” could do with being a bit bigger, so I sprayed Miracle Grow on him. Apart from a lot of stinging and a lot more swearing, nothing got bigger. Well nothing if you don’t count the big smile on the nurses face as she wrapped up my privates in bandage to help the healing process. Now, I like to think of him as “My little cactus” (think about it) so when I saw it is for “Making your garden grow”, I assumed, albeit incorrectly, that this was my miracle medicine.
I hope my tasty order of squirrel brain will have the more desired effect I want it to.
PS – Like the “You were searching for what?” search result posts I do, if you want to send me the text from any amusing spam mails to ritually abuse, send a mail and a cheque for £430 to sy@wheelturninghamsterdead.com and I will see what I can do. Yeah thats right. Begging for free material now. It is allll good baby!
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 