I feel quite lazy. There has been a lack of originality recently. So after this post, I am going for original. A friend gave me the words “Blog-A-Thon, Raspberry Ripple, Smurf, Pamphlet” to work with, so my next post will be an original “What crap has he written this time” type of story post. I would do it tonight, but I am having a day of even less originality then normal, so instead you are getting a post about a burger.
A big burger.
A tasty burger.
A burger with a price tag of £95. (that is about $190 for my US friends out there, about $200 for my Australian friends out there. $189 for my Canadian friends out there and 6,789 Afghanistan Afghanis for any…erm…Taleban fans of the site.)
And it is made by Burger King (another Taleban favourite). OK, so I know that inflation is rising, but 95 fricken quid for some processed meat product?? And it is being made in their “restaurant” in West London. I had never put the words “Burger”, “King” and “Restaurant” in the same line before.
But look at the ingredients! It is a wagyu beef, white truffle, pata negra ham slices, cristal onion straws, modena balsamic vinegar, lambs lettuce, pink himalayan rock salt, organic white wine and shallot infused mayonnaise in an Iranian saffron and white truffle dusted bun type of burger filled loving. I was with them until Wagyu beef, and then I just got really confused.
I have done some investigation (and by investigation, I mean I cant be arsed to do any work to find out the prices of any of this because…well…hell, does anyone really want to know?) and I have found out that the £95 price tag is a fricken rip off.
Fricken? Twice in one post? Note to self. Stop watching so much Scrubs.
Anyway, where was I. Oh yes. The other part of the story which was full of words that shouldn’t be in the same sentence. These were: “Celebrity”, “Chef” and “Antony Worrall Thompson”. It should actually read:
“Bearded idiot Anthony Worrall Thompson, the worthless numpty who should only be given a TV show where he is put in a house with a bunch of other retarded idiots because no one watches that shit, said that it sounded delicious.” So frickenwhat? Why would anyone care what he thinks? Actually, if you have him a dogshit sandwich the worthless idiot would wipe the drool from his mouth and say “Delicious! I wish I could cook that well! Tastes of a mountain spring, just after a gazelle pee’s in it.”
I am sorry, it sounds like I don’t like him. And it couldn’t be further from the truth. “Don’t like him” could imply I do in some way like him, whereas I…well…yeah, you work it out! Anyway, this is a humour site, not a “I hate this guy” site. Apparently. And I mean that on both counts! Where is the “funny” people!
Now. The proceeds from the sales of these death by calorie burgers is going to charity. Who chooses the charity to use for these companies? Because the last time I checked, absolutely no one has ever given to my charity. So many companies give money to the children’s charities, or the poorly puppy charities. Yet nobody gives to the “Sy from the Wheel’s Turning but the Hamsters Dead – Get Rich Quick” charity. Maybe I am not outlining why it is a good charity to give to? Let me give you the details, and if any of you are in charge of the company charity choice, dont be shy hey?
The “Sy from the Wheel’s Turning but the Hamsters Dead – Get Rich Quick” charity is a non-profit charity. It’s aims are to help those unfortunates called Sy who write posts for this site to get the goodies they richly deserve. The list includes a new plasma TV, a super fast PC, a jelly wrestling team and 18 trips per year to see Hugh Heffner with regards to becoming his protege.
As you can see, it is a worthwhile effort which will bring happiness to…erm…me.
Where was I going with this post? Oh yeah, burgers. So anyway, this super burger can be read about HERE, should you be inclined. Of course, the other alternative is to take your £95 and just buy a LOT of cheapo burgers, which will end in the same result. A trip to the bathroom hours later to remove it. And if you enter the right competition, you can eat that £95 worth of burgers, and at the end of it, you can even win your own funeral which will help with the artery issues you are going to have by the time you reach £87 of your £95 worth of burgers.
Holy crap this was a long post.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 