This post is best read while imagining beaker from The Muppets is talking. Well, meeping. Thinking about it, the following clip is more like what I hear and see when I think about the following people!
In the last 45 minutes, all I have heard is people moaning. The thing is, all I am watching is the news channel. I also heard about the following, which people moaned that police resources were used for.
Police were called after a person saw a UFO hovering across a mountain. It was a bright stationary object. Before I give you the link to the answer, can you guess how many big bright round still objects you see in the night sky? Apparently the person wasn’t under the influence of alcohol or drugs. I do believe they were under the influence of being a complete idiot. If you haven’t guessed the answer yet, it is HERE. This person is giving the human race a bad name. Of course, in the same story it mentions that someone rang the emergency services because they wanted a pound coin for a supermarket trolley. Or my favourite of someone wanting help to vote with some future one hit wonder on X-Factor. I am hoping that they sent the police round to that person and removed the TV from the house under the obscene TV act which I just thought up. Part 1 of the obscene TV act is that anyone watching shows like that will have their TV removed, and then given electric shock treatment via the genitals, power supplied by a nuclear reaction, and a naughty giggling male dwarf dressed in a nice off the shoulder evening dress pulling the lever.
Anyway. Back to the moaners (which I guess includes me as I am moaning about them!).
Someone wrote to the BBC because a game at Wimbledon over ran and the news was 15 minutes late. Like most countries, we have 24 hour news channels. But a news bulletin on a normal TV channel was late, and the end of the world is nigh! Actually, a lot of people moaned that sports “are taking over the tv channels”. They then went to watch the same BS soaps they watch eeeeeevery damn day, seven days a week and never saw the irony of their statement. (On a serious note, people with autism require a routine. The same routine. Day after day. Perhaps a little more testing is required on the general public) For this, I have decided that part 2 of the obscene TV act is necessary. For this, they will be forced to watch 12 days of different TV shows. No repeats, or soaps. They will be forced to watch some original TV programmes, be it sports or a documentary on the toilet habits of the “ubby gubby gom gom tribe” in Alaska. It will be pure hell for them. But they deserve it. Much like I deserve to win the lottery.
I swear, when I was listening to them moaning, all I heard was Beaker going “Meep mee mee me meep”. The next thing I heard was a “thud thud thud” noise as my head hit the desk continuously at listening to them moaning.
I am quite the self opinionated little <insert whatever word you decide on>, aren’t I!
So I have decided that the already overpopulated stupid island is to get some new occupants. The occupants already living it up in the stupid lane can be seen HERE, HERE and even HERE.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 