Who wants to live forever?

I do. 

Why?  Because I am smug like that.  It is all about me me me me meeeee.  I have an ego the size of a large thing, which means it is going to take many years to get to the end of it.

So I am moving to Norway.  Kinda.

Actually, I am moving to the little arctic town of Longyearbyen.  Not because it sounds like a nice place, but because it is actually forbidden to die there.  You can’t go wrong with a law like that.

And I am a law abiding citizen. 

In fact, if you don’t take in to account my speeding when driving, swearing in public, downloading of music online which I might not have paid for and my dance moves, which are a fire hazard as they are so hot, I am pretty much the golden boy of the world.

Lets get back to Longyearbyen.  If you get ill, they don’t look after you.   They stick you on a plane and get rid of you.  If that isn’t the flight of doom, then what is!  You have to wonder though, if that plane was to crash, just how much effort would they put in to a flight full of people on their last legs?  And what if one of them didn’t even have legs?  The connotations are endless, and very scary people. 

But it is why they are not allowing people to die is the weird part.  The graveyard is not full.  And they have obviously never heard of a cremation.  Or indeed fried leg of human on a tasty bed of lettuce leaves and covered in orange sauce.  I am of course kidding.  I couldn’t possibly condone eating lettuce leaves, let alone call them tasty. 

But human leg covered in orange sauce?  Well, lets just call it a hidden treasure that you may well never get to experience.  And boy have you lost out.

Anyway, I was talking about the whole people being dead thing wasn’t I.  Yes, they wont let anyone else be buried because they aren’t decomposing.  (So are they saying it is a field sized freezer full of human legs ready for my special orange sauce?)  They are actually being perfectly preserved by the permafrost.

Scientists recently removed tissue from a man who died there and found traces of a flu virus from 1917.  (read: hungry travellers who don’t like skin on their chicken dug up dinner)

So I think this is perfect proof that cannibalism is alive and well in my house.  Now.  Where is that bottle of Chianti.