False advertising. What a wonderful thing. Just from watching the TV tells me I can look 30 years younger by rubbing something on my face which has a fancy name, but is probably the inside of a pigs intestine or something like that. “Pentapeptides” the adverts say. Does anyone know what they are? To be honest, I don’t actually care.
I am a man. I am not Metrosexual man.
I do not need to smear anything on my face to keep me looking young as I am naturally a great looking guy. Well, after a few beers, that is what I see of myself in the mirror. Mirrors are not allowed out when I am sober.
But back to the plot. What there is of it.
It is proven that these “pentapeptides” don’t actually work. I know this because I see a lot of women using them, and a lot of 40 year old women who do not look 10 years old. Which is good. Could you imagine meeting a girl, you get on great, she finds a new cream in the shops, and suddenly you are close to going to jail if they don’t check her birth certificate.
Another one of these “It just wont work” things are the likes of penis enlargements and other false promises.
Email after email promises to “Increase my member”. I am a member of a breakdown club in case my car stops working. By buying these tablets, am I going to get better privileges? I don’t think so!
Another email told me that I can “Make her scream”. I just don’t need tablets to make my wife scream. Not cleaning up after myself or sneaking up behind her and shouting “I love you Bessie!” at the top of my voice makes her scream. If not because her name is not Bessie, but the shouting alone winds her up.
Hell, one email told me I can make my penis bigger! Yeah sure. So I bought £2000 worth. Nothing. Actually, when I got my credit card bill in, “Little Sy” actually shrunk as I saw the horror of the bill. So I took the tablets, and all I got was indigestion. Actually, my stomach bloated up a little, so “something” got bigger. But I didn’t want a bigger stomach.
So there you have it. The unsolicited mails are illegal as they promise something that is impossible to do. The TV Ads should be banned for false advertising, but because they got a “few” results, they are allowed to continue to tell every woman that it “can reduce your age”. Very clever indeed.
But then we come to the reason for this post.
Blatant lies.
How the BBC ever fell for writing this story is quite honestly beyond me. I can honestly say I have never ever ever ever EVER seen one. I have done a lot of research and it turns out that a lot of people (mainly male) agree with me. My research involved standing in a busy high street and asking people. Most people walked past and said “Not interested” as they carried on walking. See? People aren’t interested in something that does not exist.
But, some 4000 people have bought the device. “What is it?” I hear you say. Well, it is a device that at a touch of a button, will give a woman an orgasm.
Yeah I know. hahaha. “A female orgasm!!!”. People will make up anything these days!!
My favourite part of the story reads:
However, the Slightest Touch, which sells for $139.95, is not suitable for everyone.
It is not recommended for women taking anti-depressants, those who are pregnant or those with some underlying medical conditions such as heart problems.
So a woman on anti depressants cant use it? Why? Maybe because she will be even more depressed that after lashing out that much money, she finds out that it STILL doesn’t exist! And a woman who is pregnant is already going to be confident that it doesn’t exist. I guess the people with heart problems is the same as the ones on anti-depressants. The sadness they feel when they realised they have been duped will finish them off.
Bad BBC. Naughty BBC. You have given a false promise to many many women. Feel free to thank me for letting you know now before you spent the money!
Full story HERE.
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