A while ago I wrote a post about a camel beauty pageant. I would put a link to it here…but that would involve me finding it. Therefore, think of the fun you can have looking for it yourself!
Alternatively you can read this one which is not about a camel. Instead, it is about a cow.
Well, lots of cows. And they are pretty.
To some people. Not to me.
For instance, the religion Hinduism worship cows. I like to eat steaks. The two couldn’t be further apart. But lets take it one step further. Lets give a medal to the prettiest one.
Really.
Yes, in Ireland, there is a yearly contest where I guess the farmers look at their prettiest cow’s, and enter them in to a competition. They get points for:
- Shapely legs
- Nice back
- Nice Udders
- Temperament
It doesn’t say if the winner gets turned in to dinner, or if it becomes a deity though.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Each to their own and all that, but how is this calculated? Is the temperament looked at before they go and grab a handful of her udders, during the cupping and fondling of the udders or when you don’t call her back the next morning? Because that is a wide range of temperament.
Or maybe they do all three? “yes, she was fine when I was buying her a drink at the bar, and then all the time I was fondling her udders, but I didn’t call her the next day and she went mad. You lose 5 points for this, as I never said I would call her”.
And “Nice Udders”? What constitutes “Nice Udders”? Is it the quality of the milk? The shape of the udders, the way they swing when she walks? The colour? And just how do they do this? All stand around with clipboards saying “ohhh yes. Lovely udders. Very swingy while having a good firmness to them” as they grab them? Or do they put the cow on a vibrating machine to check the consistency of the udders under the pressure of vibration? Do they lose points in this instance for their milk becoming milkshake?
“Nice Back”. Of course it has. Are we talking “Back” or “Behind” here? Because if I was a cow (which hey, if I ever take up buddhism, I may well decide to come back as one just to tease you all), I would have issues with a bunch of blokes looking at my rear. I would be making comments about being more then just a piece of meat!
You know, none of this makes any sense. So I have decided to start my own “beauty contest”. It involves money. I for instance have a VERY pretty £50 note in my wallet. Personally I think it is the prettiest £50 note ever, and will never be beaten. Do you think you have a better one? Well you send me it and lets see who is right! Sadly I can’t guarantee that the money will be returned, but hey, if you win the award why would you care! You too could get a certificate from me to put on your wall!
If we get enough entrants, I will let you come for a party aboard my new boat.*
Oh, and if you feel the need to see a video about the pretty cows, go HERE. Perv.
* – I need about 2000 entrants so don’t be shy…tell ALLLLL your friends!
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