Once in a while, you read a news headline and think “Huh??” and you then click that little link to see what is coming. In this instance, the headline read:
Cash-in-buttocks man in M25 ban
So obviously, I clicked the link. Fortunately, the first thing I noticed was the lack of pictures. The last thing I needed to see was a man with £280 stashed between his cheeks. Although was it in big notes, or smaller denominations? His butt could have looked like the face of a gerbil who had just had the feast of his life.
Or maybe it was in small change? If it was, what do you pull to see if you win the jackpot? A one armed bandit indeed! I am assuming that the best way to “hit the jackpot” is that you stick 20p in his mouth, and then one good yank on something that looks like may be used to play the game. His eyes show two 7’s, his face turns to a huge smile and money comes pouring out of his behind. You can imagine the handle gets pretty greasy though and is probably best saved for a little old lady with a bucket of coins and no sense of decency.
The other thing the story mentions is that this man who has a penchant for inserting money up his behind is also a druggie.
He is a very confused druggie. Maybe a little on the thick side who took someone winding him up for real.
He obviously has read that bank notes are the favourite tool for the sticking of drugs up your nose, but really…”Butt Crack” is not a registered “Class A” drug. You can see him now sitting there getting high on a £20 note he just wiped his arse with. I want to know how they got him for 44 previous drug related convictions.
Maybe he had a habit of wiping the note on other people and then sniffing it?
But the good news is that this naughty felon has been told to go to a drug rehabilitation programme. No more crack for him then!
Of course, this is not the first time someone has had trouble with simple instructions.
Did you know that “superglue” sticks really well? And by really well, I mean that if you were to put it on your penis and insert it in to a vacuum cleaner, you just might get stuck!
Yeah really! Who’d have thunk it!
But indeed. A “Circus of Horrors” Dwarf did just that. Obviously when you have a name like “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf”, you have parents that just weren’t that keen on you at birth. What was wrong with just calling him Colin? That is the problem with the world people. Call your kid a normal name, and brains will come as standard. Call your kid “…The Demon Dwarf”, and you know bad things will happen to them in life.
I have to question just what this show was though. Because getting jiggy with a vacuum???? I hope it was a Dyson!
Right. I am off to wipe my butt with a vacuum. Surely you can’t get arrested for that?
Butt sniffing drug monster HERE
“Captain Dan” with a complete absence of mind HERE
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 