Note: Just last night, I had a conversation with the mother of my wife who not being British, told me that all British humour is toilet humour. Being a stand up Englishman, I wholeheartedly disagreed and fought my corner. I wonder what this “humour” post will be about?
I am sorry. This post is about bowels. Passing wind. Poop. Rainbows. If that is not your thing, why on earth are you on this site! And what do you have against rainbows!
Something occurred to me a couple of days ago. I was sitting there holding Shawnee and she was doing her thing. Her “thing” is staring around the place, making the odd noise and crapping out the side of her nappy on to my two favourite shirts. I swear she could hit my shirts even if I wasn’t wearing them. And they were in a different room.
But she sat there and was quite happily squishing her face up, and farting. Every time she did, there was an approving “That’s my girl!” from me, and “Ahhh…there, that’s better! Well done!” from my wife and her Mum.
So I am thinking. What if I do that? What if I was to lift one leg, squash my face up and get rid of anything giving me a stomach ache? I am thinking that the words “Oh you pig” and “That’s disgusting!” and “YEAH! WOOHOOO!!! A very good effort indeed my son!” are going to be shouted.
OK, so the last one would be by blokes if done while enjoying a lads night out down the pub. Maybe not the ideal comment.
But what I am wondering is this.
Where do the boundaries blur from “awwww!” to “Oh dear god no…I can’t see anymore, the smell is affecting my sight”.
From “I just want to eat you up!” to “What the hell did you eat, and how long had it been dead for? I want a divorce you dirty animal”.
From “Hahaha I felt that on my hand!!” to “I hate you and everything you stand for you pigdog. I hope it haunts you forever”.
Why is this most basic human ability frowned upon?
Or there is the other end of the body.
People beat their children on the back to make them burp. If I sit there belching I get frowned upon. So a child makes a standard boring burping noise, and everyone rejoices that it’s stomach ache has gone away. I go burping out a rendition of Gilbert and Sullivan’s greatest hits and at the same time remove the gaseous issue I have going on, and I get a load of grief.
Well? Answer me! I want to know! Why is it OK for a child but not for an adult who is just getting rid of the same gas that gives us a stomach ache and uncomfortable bloatedness?
Oh, and I saw a rainbow on the drive to work the other day. See, told you it was also about rainbows!
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