According to a psychologist who clearly needs to be the one laying down and not the one with the notepad drawing pictures of cats while repeating the words “…and why do you think that is?”, British children should study magic at school.
This is because it can help boost childrens self confidence. Says a man called Dick Wiseman.
Wise man indeed!
I am assuming it builds self confidence because as soon as someone calls you a thicky, you turn them in to a rabid ant with a hankering for cheese, thus making you feel better. Wars will be fought with magic wands, which when a bunch of grown men wanting to kill the other bunch of grown men grab their magic wands and start waving them at each other…well…it is just an uncomfortable thought for me. Who actually thought the way wars are fought now may actually be the better way!
So to test this theory, they sent some kids to magic school. In this “magic school”, they learnt how to repair a rope cut in half, and a card trick. I am sure that when leaving school and entering the real world that this will come in very very handy indeed.
I am absolutely 100% certain that when Mr (or Mrs/Miss/Ms/Dr/Master coz you know…I don’t want to come across sexist or bias or anything) Job Interviewer dude(ette?) says the words “So tell me Mr Mouse. Why do you think you are the right person for the job?”, that you leaning over and cutting his tie in half and then taking a pack of cards out and saying “Find the other half of your tie! The ace of spades!” and you then break in to an air guitar rendition of Ace of Spades and acting like Lemmy from Motorhead is going to be held against you.
Sorry. I know this seems a bit off, and children do need to build self confidence. But magic at school? It only leads to a future where the news reader (who is wearing a clown outfit and making a puppy with bendy balloons) reads out:
“…and in other news, Great Britain is now knows as The Great Symondo”
This will be because the kids now have no idea what the square root of a turnip is, but boy can they make a mean balloon animal.
And when they get out of the “Harry Potter” stage and decide to get married, instead of reading their vows, they will take the wedding rings, turn to the audience and do the magic rings trick.
And just what the hell will happen the first night in the marital bed? “oh it was magical. He started by sawing me in half with a plastic hacksaw and then we played snap!”
Granted, this vision of the future sounds like a giggle. I am just not seeing it as the way forward as we will disappear off of the planet in a generation. My idea of a post apocalypse world does not include a ghost town where instead of a tumbleweed rolling on by, a balloon giraffe slowly creeps along the road in the breeze.
Should you feel the need, you can read about the whole magic school thing HERE.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 