Coming this year: The artful rubbish

So when I say I know a lot about art, I think you can safely read in to this comment with the words “He knows shag all”.  And you know…you would be right. 

My favourite artist is Salvador Dali.  I love the stuff he has done.  And by that, I mean the “art” and not the “dodgy other antics” he may have done in life.  I have a Dali painting sitting on the wall in my kitchen for instance.  It is the “Apparition of fruit dish on beach”.  This is because I don’t have a sandy beach that close to where I live, and I don’t eat fruit, so there is no fruit in my kitchen.

But enough about the stuff I like.  Lets talk about this “art” which I read about recently. 

“Avante garde artist Andy Savage” I should look up what “Avante Garde” means, but I am pretty sure it means “Self titled “artist” with no imagination who probably claims unemployment benefit, but should really work in DIY) created a “Masterpiece”.  Except when I say “Masterpiece”, I mean “huh?!”

I will try to explain with as much detail as I can what his masterpiece is. 

He wired in 2 light switches.  Two white run of the mill “go to your DIY store and buy the cheapest white light switch that you can” type switches.  In fact he admits it cost £2.50 to create and four months in the planning. 

FOUR MONTHS?  And on the 120th day Andy Savage did look back on his work and turn on a light and realise he forgot to turn the power back on.

You gotta be kidding me.  This is art?  Oh…I should mention that the light switches are in 2 different positions.  One is higher up than the other…and the higher up one controls downstairs and the lower controls upstairs.  Get it?  Clever!  Genius!  No one will ever be able to recreate such a feat!

Well in that case, I have “art” in my house.  I have a light switch which has three (count em..1..2..3) switches which control upstairs, downstairs and outside the front door.  Unlike this dude who called his “work” by the imaginatively titled “Switches”, I have called mine “Useful thing on the wall that helps me see in the dark”.  My other name for it was going to be “Alternative Carrots” but I decided against it.

But screw it.  If he can get away with it, and sadly, some idiot is going to pay him money for it, then I am getting in on the act.

I would like to offer for your perusal (and hard earned cash) the recent collection in the “Sy Works”.  Yeah, that sounds a little sci-fi, but I can assure you.  It isn’t.  So.  On with the show.

My first piece is alled “You are a mug”.

This lovely piece came to me with an egg.  An Easter egg.  Genius!  It took me a long time to decide on the cost for this item, but have agreed on £1,000,000.08

The 8p is to recover costs for electricity in creating this art piece and the many seconds it took to take it out of the cupboard and take a single photo. 

My second piece is called “Do I look like I want my damn photo taken?”

I have set the cost for this piece at £9MILLION (Open to offers).  This is for the print ONLY, and not my child, who is not up for sale.  I have many more in this set, including one other (which I forgot to upload to the server) called “The persistence of crying” which I believe has the chance to go for a lot more.  That is money, and not crying.  Although I think I may be getting this the other way round.

So there you have it.  I think you will agree that my “art” is as good, but I don’t wear stupid clothes and think I am something I am not (that often).