According to THISnews story, a Chinese man can write on paper by sucking up water through his nose and then spraying it out through his tear ducts.
Impressive? It may well be. But what if I told you that I onec ate an entire McDonalds meal and was only sick twice? Or ate a whole vegeburger at “HorrendousBurgers ‘R’ Us” and was only disgusted with myself for 4 days? Or if you want me to be super awesome, I used Windows Vista for 11 minutes in a row without saying the words “Oh for Christs sake! What the friggin hell!”. Actually, if any of my readers work for Microsoft (which according to StatCounter…they do), could you email me and we can have a chat.
Exactly. I thank you for your support. They don’t call me “Sy McMightilyImpressive” for nothing you know!
OK, so he can squirt water which he has sucked up through his nose. Whoopeee Doodeee. Every single day of my life, I take it a step further. I suck the water in to my mouth, swallow it, let it pass through this miracle that is the temple known as my body (except when I say temple, I mean fat creating factory) and then using something that has a mind of it’s own, I release the water. OK, so I don’t maybe have the same control as Mr TearDuct does, but I will have you know…when I am standing in front of the urinal at work, I can always aim at the words on it and hit them every single time. This is of course in stark contrast to when I am standing in front of the toilet at home, and then it all goes to hell. And often gets a lot worse when the cat has followed me in to the toilet.
I dont know how many times I have used the phrase “Dont lick yourself clean there little pussycat… I will get you a towel.” The poor thing. But does it learn? Nope. I dont know how many times I have seen the little kitty lick itself because it is wet and then pulls a face of “What the…that is…oh good God no…that’s…” and then a hairball and a little bit of sick hits the deck, and the cat goes on a long walk while she decides if life is worth living after what she just tasted.
I should also note that in the story, it says that he can shoot the water 10ft from his eyes.
My male readers will understand this one…ever tried taking a pee after sex? 10ft? And then some my friends. I regularly have to wash the ceiling at home, and that of my neighbours, but hey, if they cant close their bathroom window, it is barely my fault is it?!
So there you have it. I am way more impressive with my bodily functions then a man who cries too much. Where is MY news story? Yeah I know. A man cries, he gets press pages. I pee and suddenly the credit crunch is more important. Screw em all.
In other news, if anyone likes this or any previous posts, could you hit the Digg or Stumble or other buttons for me? Thanks!
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