So soon? Yes, that is not only a phrase that my wife says to me, it is also said when I find that I already have enough material for the “you were searching for what?” posts. Same rules different content…the words in the ” ” are the phrases entered in to google to find this simply awesome site. I was going to write about..erm…well…you know what…I had no material that I thought was post worthy, so to keep me going until originality enters my brain (see you in 2009 then), this is what you are getting!
Dear Sy: “The wheel may be turning, but is the hamster actually dead?”
Uncle Sy Says: I ate it. I digested it and an amount of time later, I flushed it. It is about as dead as it is going to be…and I am confident that if you powered up a defibrillator, the walls are not going to look pretty if you try to bring it back to life.
Dear Sy: “How much did you think the woolly mammoth weighed?”
Uncle Sy Says: Oh yeah sure. No way. Nice try, but NO WAY. I am going to end up with emails about being sexist or fattist (and I am pretty sure I am already!). Like a need a woolly mammoth emailing me complaining that I think it’s arse looks big in that dress.
Dear Sy: “How does the Internet stimulate the brain?”
Uncle Sy Says: Porn is VERY stimulating. Oh sorry, stimulate the brain? This site. Yes, that is it.
Dear Sy: What is your “Internet surfing technique”
Uncle Sy Says: Hanging upside down from a chandelier in a plastic mac using yellow rubber gloves with electrodes in them and a screen like that in Minority Report. It works for me as the rush of blood to the head helps me concentrate.
Dear Sy: What is the best way to watch a “goat cow porno“?
Uncle Sy Says: Hanging upside down from a chandelier in a plastic mac. The rush of blood to my…well anyway…you shouldn’t be watching things like that you freak.
Dear Sy: What do I do if my “hamster is almost dead“?
Uncle Sy Says: How almost is almost? If in the next 20 minutes, I recommend warming up the oven.
Dear Sy: I read about “children who have been given strange“. Have you tried it?
Uncle Sy Says: Strange? Is this like LSD but a little different? How do you take it? You know what…it sounds like you had a little too much strange so don’t answer.
Dear Sy: I want to see “55 old ladies that like to pee“.
Uncle Sy Says: I want to see what happens if they turn up the juice on the electrodes I taped to your head.
Dear Sy: I want to enter a “ball squeezing endurance contest“.
Uncle Sy Says: Dear Mr Dickless Wonder. Your application to enter this years contest is rejected due to you not having a pair.
Dear Sy: “How can i get the gross taste out of my coffee maker”
Uncle Sy Says: Stop using decaff and get some real coffee. Be a real man goddammit. What are you? A pregnant fairy?
Dear Sy: “does a blind person see any thing”
Uncle Sy Says: Well, I am guessing by the fact that they are blind that the answer is an impressive NO! Although I have posted this in braille so they can read something stupid. That would be your question then.
Dear Sy: “mammoths how can you tell a male from a female”
Uncle Sy Says: The male is called Gabriel. Holy hell…the square fits the circle with you doesn’t it.
Dear Sy: “is a hamsters wee cream white in colour”
Uncle Sy Says: Lets just say if you saw that, he finished early and there will be no baby hamsters anytime soon.
Dear Sy: “if a hamster shakes then dies, what is wrong with it?”
Uncle Sy Says: It is dead. I mean come on…honestly.
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