New year….no change.

Hellooooo there.  Welcome to 2009.  I am happy to note that I will be writing this post with a clear mind and good health (or a 4 alarm hangover and my liver is just about dead if you want the truth.)

So what is the obvious post to write then?  New years resolutions obviously.  Although I am not sure how much I can make a post out of the words “Fail miserably”, so I may have to add some other stuff in to beef it up…so to speak.  Then again, should I be talking about “beefing up” in my posts? 

I was going to research and ask a couple of people what their resolutions were for the forthcoming year.  Except that I didn’t get a chance as unannounced, their opinions and ideas were thrust upon me like an unwanted stomach bug when you are on a plane with no working toilets and no change of underwear.  But I noticed that they had more than 1.  So if you fail one and manage the other, you have still technically failed.  Thus my unfallable new years resolutions:

• Fail miserably at writing at least one post every 2 days – hmmm…1st post of 2009 on the 4th Jan.  Mission Accomplished.
• Fail miserably at going to the gym at least 100 times in the next 365 days.  This one I am confident in achieving.  I don’t even belong to a gym, and the idea of getting in shape would conflict with my drinking habit and love of fatty foods.  Therefore I figure I should add the next one just to make me look sexy as I manage to do all 3 resolutions.
• Fail miserably at giving up alcohol and fatty foods.  OK, granted that eating the fatty foods does not make me look sexy as per resolution number 2, but if YOU drink enough alcohol (and OK, so it takes a lot) I will become incredibly sexy to you.  Especially as the lights come on after the last dance and you lose the “pull a loser” competition unless you pounce on me there and then.

So that is that then.  Short, sweet and easily achievable.  Just like me after a few drinks and a new found sense of Godliness.

I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking “He is a genius.  How do I bow before him and show him the praise he deserves?”.  Well, you get your arms and you go like this:

Although in all seriousness, I will be doing my bit for the environment and using at least two energy saving lightbulbs this year.  This has nothing to do with the fact the energy company sent me two for free though.

So what are yours?  And what is the realistic time frame before you say “What am I on about…pass the Absynth and lets fail in style!”?