A woman in Australia set fire to her husbands pulsating python of love because she thought he was cheating on her. A bit extreme maybe when she could have just talked to him constantly for 5 hours without him getting a word in…which would have probably made him want to hurt himself anyway. OK, so maybe he wouldn’t have set fire to his twig and berries, but holy hell… Amazingly, he died. Yeah, shock horror! If you set fire to someone, especially in there fun department, they die! But it is OK because the was quoted as saying:
“I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else, I didn’t mean this to happen,” (Sy: “penis”? What a stupid name for a thrill drill!)
Why not get a tattoo with “Bessie loves Gerry” or whatever the hell names they had instead? Or use a biro or permanent marker and write your name on Ralph the fur faced chicken? Nooo…this woman wants to burn her name in it.
I think that all women that have been hurt by a man should create an effigy of a huge penis (no, presidents and prime ministers are DIFFERENT types of penis…) and stand in the streets burning it while shouting out chants of some kind like they do in middle eastern countries when they are pissed off. They have the right idea!
I am going to be honest here. I am a little worried. Not about getting caught cheating, because I know what would happen if I did that. My wife would be wearing a pretty new pendant on her necklace. A sadly reeeeally small pendant, but that is my issue and not yours. But what I am worried about is this:
If a woman will do something like that because of something like cheating, just what the living hell is my wife going to do when she finds out I have a secret stash of star wars collectible figures? Yeah I know… What woman would put up with that? Cheating…fine. Star Wars figures? Pass the divorce paperwork and a hefty punishment.
I am pretty sure she will be committing an offence far worse than bringing a match to Richard and the twins. I am thinking that she will volunteer my services for THIS story.
Yes, they are running out of human brains to work with. But this is where I am lucky because there is about no chance that medical science would want any part of my body to work on. Especially my brain. It would be too much for them to handle when they see something so big but so vastly empty. It is like a black hole. Yeah everyone knows they exist, but no one wants to go near one. Unlike my stomach which is bigger and very full. The contents also has a frothy head on it if you attach a tap to my belly button and see what comes out.
I am pretty confident that they wont want to investigate the contents there either.
If you feel the need to read about the toasted wiener, it is HERE. But no photos so don’t rush. Perv.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 