Wandering through the google search results in my stats, I realised I had enough weird ones to do another of these posts. So. Here is it. For those new enough to the site, and havent read the entire back catalogue of posts yet (what is taking you so long?), the words in the ” ” are the phrases that were put in to google to find the site.
The rest? That is just me being me…because…well, I can.
Dear Sy: “Will french fries kill a hamster?”
Uncle Sy Says: Well, yes, I guess. But you are probably better off going for a hammer. Quicker, less pain and you get to practice hammering stuff compared to eating french fries.
Dear Sy: “Why are vegetarians bad in bed?”
Uncle Sy Says: I think the answering is so blisteringly obvious that you are going to feel stupid asking. The answer? It is allll about the meat.
Dear Sy: “What happens before a hamster dies?”
Uncle Sy Says: It lives. Holy hell. Why dont you ask me why I have thumbs or something else intelligent.
Dear Sy: “What does it mean when u dream about the person u love?”
Uncle Sy Says: Well to start with, it is YOU and not U. What are you? 12 years old? Anyway. Think about this: What does it mean when you dream about a gerbil armed with a machine gun? Nothing. So if you dream about someone you love…ah hell…forget it.
Dear Sy: “What does it mean when a cow hits a person in dream?”
Uncle Sy Says: That she is really pissed off that you dated her sister. Yes. You are broken in the head. Date normal girls.
Dear Sy: “How would a blind person react to seeing for the first time?
Uncle Sy Says: I am guessing with the words: Oh my god you are so ugly. I wish I was blind and denying your uglyness again! Get me a bucket…I think I am gonna see my lunch for the first time.
Dear Sy: Can you tell me “How to get your cat to trust you?”
Uncle Sy Says: Yup. You offer it all the fun stuff, and once it comes around to your way of thinking, you destroy it’s spirit! That’ll teach it!
Dear Sy: “How do you cheer up a person when their hamster died?”
Uncle Sy Says: I can tell you how NOT to. By laughing at them, and bragging about how cool your alive hamster is and then punching them when they arent looking.
Dear Sy: Can you tell me what it is like “having sex with a blind person?”
Uncle Sy Says: Kind of the same as when you have sex with a person that can see, but at the end, they cant see your face so they dont feel so dirty and used.
Dear Sy: “Does it matter what language a carer uses with a blind person?”
Uncle Sy Says: What? They are blind you doofus. Not bloody deaf. Did someone fall out of the cot at an early age?
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 