I like Australians. I mean it. Yeah, OK…I hate them for their sporting abilities and how they hurt my good old English boys every chance they can, but apart from that, I always thought they were good people.
Until today when my feelings changed.
They changed when I decided that they are freaking awesome.
In what is possibly the greatest study since I decided to see how much of my cats head I could fit in my mouth in one go, they have released research that claims that alcohol improves a man’s sexual performance in bed.
(And for those who were curious, it was all of the cats head, but I got jaw lock in the process and the cat got away before I could complete my exercise.)
In the study, they worked out that the tee-totallers of the world have more issues in the sack than us alcoholics people who drink a little too much.
The news story printed in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, which I am signing up for just as soon as I have finished this post says:
Weekend drinkers and binge drinkers had lower rates of erectile dysfunction than those who drank one day a week or less, according to the research.
I want to look at this objectively. You know, to give both sides a good chance to prove why they think they are better.
I looked at myself several years ago when I was going through a bit of a dry spell…with both alcohol and women, and then I looked at myself now…a man that drinks more than the amount weekly that the UK government label as “alcoholism”. Of course, that means more than 4 beers a week. I have more than that on a Friday night before I start drinking.
So the younger nervous dude that I was: Too shy to speak to women, and when I did, I generally messed it up…unless THEY were drunk. And then my incoherent rambling actually made sense to them. But then…boy was I ever crap in the sack. “Do something different to me Sy!”they would say. So I did. But because of my naivety, I thought that making them dress up as a Zulu warrior and me entering the room as an English soldier, and then telling them “I will cut your throat and leave you for dead!” was a good thing. Well, it worked for me. Not for them it seemed. I didn’t get the best label I have to say.
But then the drunken me: I would start drinking at dinner, sink too much alcohol and stumble about a lot. Then I would try to get amorous with my wife. Being a drunk sweaty mess who is falling out of bed while trying to get my freak on, my wife would tell me to leave the room and think about what I was doing (which was her teddy bear at one point I think) and come to the realisation that I perform a lot better when I fall unconscious and therefore leave her alone.
So I guess the research is a little flawed, or at least they need to give a little more detail than the news story actually mentions.
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