Being the nice person that I am, I always try to not be overly confrontational when people say something completely stupid or annoying. This has a couple of exceptions.
One is old people who wind me up by saying something completely unreasonable. The other? Well the other is something I cant admit to on here because you will think I am petty. Or sexy. Who knows. I mean who am I to question where, how or with who you get your kicks in the same way that you don’t have the right to think it is petty that I get annoyed with people who think I am being unreasonable for thinking that all reality tv contestants should be given less electric shock therapy before being allowed on the TV. Lets be honest…look at some of the complete numpties we get on TV, and then explain how they haven’t been fried to a crisp in the synapse department first. OK fine. Now you know what the second is.
But anyway.
During a trip to my local DIY/Homeware store with my daughter to buy manly hardware of the grrr…me man…me hammer hardware stuff variety (ok so it was a laundry basket), my 7 month old daughter who has recently found her voice started making noises of the louder than average nasally challenged mouse type.
It wasn’t painfully loud, and she wasn’t crying, she was just making noise. A bit like I do when I am doing the Sunday crosswords while sat on the toilet and am having trouble getting it out. The word on the crossword I mean. Yeah, it’s not quiet but as long as you don’t stick your ear to the door, it’s also not that offensive.
But enough about my crosswording toilet habits. Lets talk about the old person.
Some old codger and his wife/90 year old totty girlfriend were off buying feather dusters to clean their sex swing when young Shawnee comes past with me making a noise that sounds like this:
“Bleeeaaauuuuyyyeeerrrraaauuugghhheeeettt!”.
And then repeated it. And again. Then added the odd spit covering raspberry to them.
The codgertastic old dude says to his said totty/wife something along the lines of “Children should be seen and not heard”.
So should we gag all our kids? Or all have mute children? I dunno… but in the interest of not letting this get out of hand, I turned to my daughter and told her that I agreed with the old gentleman.
Well, when I say “agreed”, I actually mean I said:
“Absolutely. And the sooner they start enforcing that rule where old people get put in old peoples homes and play Russian roulette with the euthanasia machine the better.” And then offered to get him a subscription to the Dignitas newsletter.
Oops.
He didn’t look happy. Actually, he looked like he was about to try and give me a feather duster enema. And honestly…I did feel a little guilty. And then Shawnee went “Bleeeaaauuuuyyyeeerrrraaauuugghhheeeettt!” again, and I smiled and walked off and paid for my super awesome laundry basket.
Holy crap i’m interesting. I really live the life.
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