Email conversations can be fun…especially with scammers.

Do you ever get those emails from the Nigerian email scammers who want you to help them transfer their inheritence to your bank account and in the process drip you dry of all your money?  Normally I hit the delete button after I have a read to see how inventive they get.

I say “normally” because my recent one is from Miss Sali Garuwa…and she sounds tastier than a bowl of cake icing.

So I emailed back.

As usual, her mail was about

Before the death of my mother on October 2004 in a private hospital here in Coted’ivoire where she was admitted, she secretly called me on her bed side and disclosed to me about the sum of nine million five hundred US dollars ($9.6million ) she left in suspense account in one of the bank here in Abidjan,

 

It was the money she intended to transfer overseas for investment before she died, She also instructed me that I should seek for a foreign partner in any country of my choice who will assist me transfer this money in overseas account where the money will be save and invested wisely, Because of the current political problem here in Ivory Coast I decided to transfer the money to abroad where it will be save and invested, therefore, I am crying and seeking for your kind assistance in the following ways:

 

(1) To provide a safe bank account where the money will be transferred for investment,

(2) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only 20 years old,

(3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit for me in your country.

 

I have decided to offer you 20% Of the total amount for your  willingness to help me, Please kindly response to my mail immediately with your full personal information, telephone number so that I can call and speak with you on the telephone, I will be going to the church prayer warriors meeting after sending you this message to you please do call me with this number (+Deleted phone number in case someone really stupid reads this and thinks it’s real) immediately to confirm your sincere willingness to assist me out of this investment in your country.

Sali, your name sounds like an ocean wave crashing in to the front of a building during a bad storm and there are dead fish everywhere.  It’s beautiful.  I want to help you oh so very much, but you understand that with all the fake emails send by hairy men in Nigeria, I need to confirm you are indeed the sultry funk monkey that you sound in your beautiful email.  Please send me your photo, but to confirm that it is you, please hold up a sign saying “I love Sy from WTHD”.  WTHD is the abbreviation from where I live, as I dont want to confuse you.  It is a beautiful quiet area and I know you will feel at home…even though the gun crime is through the roof and I got molested by a fox a few days ago.  But the treatment is responding well, and I hope in time that the rash will go and we can be lovers.  Pack condoms!

All my love forever,  Sy.

“Sali” replied.  Amazingly!   The return mail, again a beast of a mail too long to put here contained this snippet:

Honestly Sir, I have suffered enough since my parent died don’t even have money to take care of my self, no father, no mother, no brother, no sister then went to the bank to withdraw money out from the account then the bank foreign remittance department director sited me down in his office after going through those documents. He said that my mother deposited the fund in a suspense account in there bank because it’s a big Hug amount that she wanted to transfer overseas she made a comment that no body will withdraw anything out from the account here in Africa unless it transferred to a foreign account before I will get access to the fund The bank people knows my mother very well, they told me that mine mother was one of their best customer here in Africa.

  

 I attached my picture with this message with the writing said I LOVE SY FROM WTHD with black bic, just get back to me with your full information’s and confirm on how and which investments are you going to invest with this fund as soon as I trusted you and infirm the bank to make the transfer to your account.

The money is in a “suspense” account?  So everytime you go to an ATM, it goes “duuum be dum dum…duuuuuum de dum dum…DUUUUUM!” or what?  And it is a big Hug amount?  So much that if you dont want a cuddle at the end of seeing it, you are maybe a little dead inside? 

The photo was indeed attached.  It was quite scary.  Her “bic” pen and handwriting look just like an overtype on the PC.  She is indeed a vixen of love and has me under her spell.  So here is the pic he…erm…she sent:

Look REALLY close and you can see the “I love Sy from WTHD”part below her elbow. And the other scribbled crap?  I have NO idea what that is.  But I have to say, she doesnt look like she lost a parent and has no cash.  Looks like my luck is in here!

So I am going to reply again, coz the guy has no brains to see I am taking the piss…so please…comments.  What would you like added in to the reply?