It’s no real surprise that in a recent poll, I found out that my intelligence level is that of a chemical soup short of evolution. Which explains some stuff I guess. Having a forename of Simon started it all. I only use Sy because it makes me attractive to the opposite sex. Sadly, so far the only opposite sex that has confirmed this was a goat…and I wasn’t up for it.
Having this epic fail of an intelligence means that I get confused pretty easily. Simple everyday life things for instance. Such as….
My daughter is currently teething. Nothing unusual about that, we all did it. But would someone please explain to me the reason why when a tooth is coming through, her bowel movements feel they should turn from “Yeah, that’s not pleasant to clean up!” to “What the hell climbed in her nappy and turned itself inside out… multiplied in quantity ten times over…and decided to use a scent not smelt since last time I dipped my head in the local sewer and had a bit of a lick”?
It’s just not pretty. Nor was that image I just put in your head. Sorry.
But if that is the way it works then so be it. But what I don’t understand is why things don’t happen in reverse. By that, I don’t mean that your teeth go back in to your gums, because that’s stupid, and this blog isn’t about stupid…right?!? So what if every time I released the hounds, I got toothache? Or even a new tooth? I am pretty sure that I would never go near another curry in my life. Actually, if I pushed a tooth out every time, I think eating would be off of the menu for good.
Again, sorry for that image.
OK. If mother nature wants it like that, then whatever. But…mother nature does not control TV. So…
The TV show “Americas Biggest Loser”. I stumbled across this show while searching for Spongebob Squarepants one morning. All the contestants seemed like nice people. But complete false advertising. I could not see my ex-wife on there. Nope. So just how do they get the right to call it that when the worthless imbecile I used to be married to is not on on a show called “biggest loser”? Because honestly…when it comes to that woman, there is something seriously missing in the brain department. What’s missing? I hear you ask. Well, the actual BRAIN is what is missing. I wonder if she was banned from the show because it would be unfair to the other contestants?
But what really confuses me is that almost everyone (I say almost but I really have no idea, nor do I really care) who has met an alien says that they have weird accents. Like the case of the weird freak (the woman not the alien) who met an alien in a field late at night and said that the alien had a Scandinavian accent. Because you know, why wouldn’t he. In fact… (story HERE)
She said she met the fair-haired man with a Scandinavian-type accent as she walked her dog on a sports field.
He told her crop circles were caused by others like him who had travelled to Earth and that the purpose of his visit was friendly.
He then said he had spoken to her because he felt it was important to have contact with humans even though he had been told not to.
A fair haired Scandinavian? Wow. That’s rare. Normally they are bald with fluffy green feather tufts coming out of their ears, so this one was highly likely an alien.
So some women meets a dude who has forgotten to take his medication for I dunno…ever? And then he tells her he is an alien, and she believes him. So that is two of them that forgot the medication then.
But lets not judge. I for one believe in aliens. I believe because I have met one. It was a few years ago and I was walking through a wooded area and I met a fair haired man with a Scandinavian accent who told me he had travelled to earth.
Hang on….
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 