And part two of the last post. In case you are new to the site and cant be bothered to read the post previous to this, the words in the ” ” are quotes found in the list of keywords used in Google to find this site. The rest…that’s just me being rude/obnoxious/sexy/awesome…delete as appropriate. Now, if you then go back to the previous post, you will see that I have just copied and pasted that entire line. Hey, sue me. I cant be original ALL the damn time!
Dear Sy: “can sex be a treatment for illness?”
Uncle Sy Says: Of course it can. For instance, just the other day I was having a heart attack and I insisted my wife had sex with me…and lookie here, I am still alive. See?
Dear Sy: “can you get stuff on your dick”
Uncle Sy Says: A very good question. I recommend you find out by deep frying some fish and chips, and then when the oil is used and dirty, reheat it and then stick it in there. Let me know if it works or not.
Dear Sy: “can you give someone a illness by having sex with them”
Uncle Sy Says: I don’t think so. An example of this is just the other day during sex I sneezed right in my wife’s face. She didn’t catch my cold from that, but she went completely nuts and beat me up. So if you are a wimpy man, be careful how you test this.
Dear Sy: “do you have a picture of the world’s largest black penis”
Uncle Sy Says: WHY would I have that picture? That’s like asking me if I want a nice plate full of raw carrot. Of course I bloody don’t.
Dear Sy: What are some “excuses to make your penis bigger”
Uncle Sy Says: You could take a photo of your barbie doll holding it and show it to people. You will look very impressive.
Dear Sy: Can you give me some “flattering comments to give”
Uncle Sy Says: To give who? Your Mum, girlfriend, boyfriend, dog? I believe saying ‘who is a lovely little boy’ while talking in a childish voice and rubbing their stomach and pulling their ears works for the whole lot. Women find it especially flattering.
Dear Sy: Why is my “hamster jumping and squeaking”
Uncle Sy Says: Ahhh…yes, I have seen this before. It is because it is alive. Holy hell…even the stupid tree kicked you out didn’t it.
Dear Sy: Can you show me some “homeless Latinas prostitution images”
Uncle Sy Says: Absolutely. Here is one, if it works for you, let me know and I will post some others:
Dear Sy: Can you tell me “how to get a drunk guys penis hard”
Uncle Sy Says: Using the same method my wife uses on me works. All you do is smear yourself in mackerel poo and do a dance to the song 99 red balloons. Works every time.
Dear Sy: Can you give me tips on “how to negotiate with prostitutes”
Uncle Sy Says: Absolutely. You do this: ‘hey babe. I have £200 and you sleep with people for money. Deal?’ and that’s it. You are guaranteed to get some.
Dear Sy: “I wouldn’t have sex with you if you were the last person on earth”
Uncle Sy Says: That’s great news Mum. I am glad we cleared that up before the apocalypse.
Dear Sy: “what can crawl up a mans penis when in a river”
Uncle Sy Says: A brown bear. Yeah really. It sneaks up and BAM! In it goes. You normally don’t know until he gets to your bladder, but trust me…it can sting.
Dear Sy: Can you help me. “What do u do if ur children can’t get over a dead hamster”
Uncle Sy Says: I would take your kids to the doctor and tell him you have reeeeeally small children.
Dear Sy: I am wondering. “What makes alcoholics tick”
Uncle Sy Says: Ummm…maybe alcohol? I mean honestly…it’s not going to be swimming or eating the lindt chocolate Easter bunny is it?
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 