It is amazing that I remembered to write this post. I have had recently, what can only be described as a frontal lobotomy. Or maybe a frontal enema due to the complete lack of memories in my head recently which have fallen out and are left nowhere to be seen. But then…frontal enema? It sounds messy. And painful. And I for one am only willing to let YOU all try it.
One of the up sides of my new found memory lapse is that I forget where I work, or I forget what I was doing at work as soon as I leave for the day.
This in effect sounds great, but does come with it’s flaws. Just the other day someone asked me where I work. I couldn’t remember. I had absolutely NO idea. And then they said “is it at an airport?”. Well, if you already know, just why the hell are you asking me! And how did he know that I worked there? I had just met him. Was it because I was making plane noises while running about the street in my underwear and wearing some Biggles goggles firing my imaginary machine gun at the evil red baron? Anyway, this policeman who asked…why did he even need to know? People need to calm down on the public nudity thing. I am a great physical specimen to show the world. OK, so it shows the world what happens if you jam your gut so full of KFC that no kind of enema, even that frontal painful sounding one, would work. but the kids need to know the wondrous world of evils of fast food.
I thought I was alone in this memory thing, but even my Sat Nav doesn’t know where I work. When I click the “Take me to work” button, the cars goes all transformer on me and turns in to a bed. Fine, so I get paid to work hard sleep, but hell…I have to at least be IN the office to do this.
Putting aside my physical inadequacies and the issues that my car and crap nav have, I am still concerned over my memory.
On the walk from my car to the work canteen, I thought “Lets go all crazy and buy a sandwich!”. So there I was standing in front of the sandwiches and thought to myself “Why the hell am I standing here?”. I had actually forgotten I was hungry. Was this because of the woman in the incredibly small shorts who had obviously just come back from holiday that I saw prior to entering the canteen? I should probably mention that she weighed about 400lbs. The shorts…they didn’t, well, couldn’t…cover much. Either way, it wasn’t pretty. And I don’t mean that rose bush in winter not pretty, I mean that “oh my god…that is…but she…there was…here comes lunch to clean my shoes with!” not pretty. Sure, everyone has the right to wear what they want, thus my underwear, goggles and plane moment…but I did it late at night so no one would see. I didn’t think anyone would call the police.
Where was I going with that last paragraph? You know…shock bloody horror, I cant friggin remember!
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