The tail might wag, but it is likely that the sex is going to be crap

In something you read everyday in the highbrow newspapers, a woman in Ghana married her dog because she said it reminded her of her late father.  I would question why he is late, but it will end up being a witch hunt about his watch being on a different time zone or something.  But regardless…

She is quoted as spouting:

For so long, I’ve been praying for a life partner who will have all the qualities of my dad. My dad was kind, faithful, and loyal to my mum, and he never let her down.  I’ve been in relationships with so many men here in Togo, and they are all the same – skirt-chasers and cheaters. My dog is kind, and loyal to me and he treats me with so much respect.

That is all well and good, but the last time I looked, a dog is also something that humps your leg repeatedly, steals food from your plate, drags itself along the floor to scratch it’s arse and then buries things in the garden while slobbering in your shoes.  It tries to escape constantly and will sleep with any other dog it sees.  It also hates cats, postmen and the name Humphrey.

So.  Qualities that she wants in a husband…because they remind her of her father?

If as a kid, my Dad was to spend his days dry humping my friends legs, I would be questioning anyone marrying him…and lets not even go there with the whole “why isn’t he in prison” thing.  There is more chance of me marrying a statue of a sausage sandwich than a someone that reminded me of one of my parents.

But really.  Has she not worked this out?  It’s a dog.  A friggin DOG!  Why not marry a newspaper instead?  It’s informative, and rather than scratch it’s own arse on the carpet, she could use it to clean hers in the event of a failure in the stocking of toilet roll.

I asked my wife why she married me.  She said it is because she wanted to marry someone that reminded her of her worst nightmares.  I should also mention that I have also on occasion tried to dry hump her leg like a dog, but have never quite managed it because I always seemed to finish before I got near her leg, but I guess that is something I need to work on.  But weirdly, she does ask me to bark once in a while.  But then, she also tells me to shut up.  So I am not sure where she is going with that.  Or me for that matter.

But back to the mad dog marrying nutter.  What will the kids look like?  As much as I am confident that I am not half dog, I still like my ears being played with and I have a tail.  OK, so it is on the wrong side, but it’s still a tail, and it does wag when I get excited.  But what will hers come out like?

I am taking a wild guess on “Completely bloody nuts”, which means that when they grow up, they will be just like their mother.

Should you feel the need to read about the happy litter couple, then head HERE.  Don’t feel you have to.  You already know it is about a woman who marries a dog.  Even the ending is the same.