There I was, minding my own business. Reading a news site I like to read (it has pictures!) and then…screaming at me from the page…was the most pointless news story in the world. Filler if you will.
“We have to use up this column…what can we put there? There is no real news…anyone got anything?” would have been the calls around the room. And then someone, I am guessing for a laugh, said “Hey, I got something!” and they printed it.
I checked the date. It’s not April Fools.
I even checked alternative calendars.
It’s not April Fools as per the Alpo Balognia Calendar A. Nor by the Enoch Calendar. Well, at least I don’t think so. One of them was a calendar of dodgy sexual positions enacted by sphynx cats…so I wasnt too sure when April Fools would be. Surely having a cat with no hair at all would be pretty much an April fools??
So will someone please explain to me, just how did anyone think that the news story with the devastating headline of “Women can’t keep secrets – Study” was a viable news story?
Woman can’t keep secrets? And they felt the need to do a study of…get this…3000 women! Why 3000? Why not a single woman and a packet of jelly babies? And you could have a conversation with the single woman and only the male jelly babies.
It’s pretty simple. The conversation to the woman would be:
Man: Hey, look, please don’t tell ANYONE..you promise?
Woman: Oh of course honey! I wont tell a soul! What is it?
Man: 1 + 1 = 2!!!
Woman: Nooooo!!!!! Really???? I wont tell a soul! I promise! (and she would then gleefully giggle while clapping her hands together in a really short girlie way)
Man leaves the room and 8 seconds later, a woman with palms now so sweaty, she could fill in for a 13 year old boy who recently discovered what “that” is for, and is finally alone in the room does the following:
She picks up phone and sends a text message to her entire phonebook, including the man who just told her.
The conversation to the Jelly Babies would be:
Man: Dude…I have a secret.
Jelly Baby: I am a sugary sweet. Bugger off!!
I mean really. I am sure that there are plenty of women who can keep a secret. OK, so that secret is “I didn’t tell anyone!” whereas they actually told every single person they know, but why do people waste their time on these “studies”?
In the news story is this quote:
“No matter how precious the piece of information, it’s often out in the public domain within 48 hours. That means every single Brit who has confided in a friend should be worried because they don’t know where their secret is heading.”
Well, if that is the case, I should probably just lay my cards on the table now. It saves ex girlfriends, ex wife, current wife and anyone else I missed from spilling the beans.
- I am great in bed. It’s true! I slept through a hurricane destroying part of the house when I was a kid, and I am still as legendary in bed now. Once I am asleep, I am a sleep GOD!
- I am highly intelligent. No lie. My daughter is having trouble putting the square brick in the square hole. Not me. I am there like a polar bear. First time. Every time.
So there you have it. Journalism gone completely fricken insane. Here is the link to the news story. You know, just in case you feel the need to be so amazed. Careful though, I don’t want you to split your underwear. http://web.orange.co.uk/article/women_cant_keep_secrets
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