You may think this is one of those posts where I put up something rubbish in an attempt to get around to putting a post up and because I had nothing else more interesting to write which didn’t involve my cats arse. Well…bang on. Try to enjoy:
Just recently I have been spending some of my spare time reading the spam comments that get captured by the spam catcher thingie because I am so desperate for friends that anyone…even a spammer will do. It is unlikely that you are wondering why I would be reading said spam because you have a life, but for those of you who seem to have as much time as I do to wonder about these things, it is because I learn a lot from reading them. It is true. In just one spam, I learnt:
- What are the symptoms of gas…well, you fart a lot. I didn’t need spam to tell me that. And to stop gas? Cut out the beans stinko!
- How taking pills that make you walk around with a bulge in your trousers which is so impressive, that the only way to stop you splitting your trousers in two is to take some time out with your favourite person and…well…you do the math. But, did you know it cures habitual snoring. Of course it does! If you live alone, you will be wide awake, bloodshot eyes wondering if the blood will ever return to your head!
- That sleep apnea has something to do with cardiovascular events…which I cannot explain as it makes as much sense to me as hammering my testicles to a cross and pretending I am Jesus
- That Orphenadrine does not produce myoneural block…which is a fancy way of saying “Mr Spammer had sex with a medical dictionary, and it didn’t call him back in the morning…because what the hell!
- That if you were to take a certain metabolism pill, the most frequent adverse experiences were dizziness, headache, fatigue and cough. Does this guy just write any old crap? Is it me sleep spamming…because the similarities in complete rubbish are scary!
- There was something about the F1 generation of rats. Rats drive Formula 1 racing cars now??
I am not kidding. The list goes on and on. It covers kids vitamins, breast cancer, acoustic neuromas (???)…infact it contains 56489 characters. I gained 2 IQ points and a free cuddly toy just by reading it and learning new words. I also learned how not to catch hepatitis…because they never taught that at school. Well, maybe they did, but as soon as they mentioned “making sweet love to the special girl of your dreams”, I went all coy and shut down being the shy nervous guy.
So I didn’t want you all to miss out. It makes good reading…you know…if you cant sleep and the only other alternative in the universe is to watch reality tv. If you pick the reality tv instead…shame on you.
You can get it here: http://www.wheelturninghamsterdead.com/spam.txt (the text from the spam comment, not the reality tv. You can get that from www.getareallifenumbnuts.org
You know…or don’t. It is spam afterall! Just don’t follow the links. If you need something to make it bigger/longer/shorter/stop you snoring, go to a real doctor already.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 