I have become that which I hate. That which most people hate. I have become an “Oh…you are one of those…you should do this instead. It is WAY better for you” people.
You know how an ex-smoker is the worst of the non-smokers? For us “never smoked” awesome types, smoking is seen as a mild annoyance done by people who aren’t quite as ugly as me and feel that putting something in their mouth, setting fire to it and sucking on it like a lolly is..well…it doesn’t matter. Unless of course you are one of those “OH MY GOD! A SMOKER!” types who see smokers in the same light as I see vegetarians. Yeah, those naughty vegetarians and their carrot munching wrongness. It is wrong. Plain and simple. And disgusting. And it only makes you sexually attractive to donkeys. Sorry…where was I? Oh yeah…ex smokers. They will tell all the smokers why they shouldn’t, how bad it is blah de blah de blah.
Or the ex-drinkers. So OK, these are the worst of the “ex” list because honestly, why would ANYONE want to give up drinking? It makes no sense at all. I would rather make my pet rabbit watch the film “Halloween 3” than give up drinking. Which if you haven’t seen it…please don’t. I mean holy hell…it is supposed to be a horror. It really is. I am so scared I might have to lose 90 minutes of my life watching it again one day that I have poked my eyeballs out and have placed them in a bowl of sweet Thai chilli sauce. What a crock of crap.
There are plenty others. Ex druggies, anyone who finds religion (I mean really…) and even ex sex addicts (Please…someone explain to me why ANYONE would check themselves in to some clinic because they enjoy sex in an effort to have less. You want less sex? Just get married!. There is no such thing as just too much. You know…unless they are a nun. Or Joseph Merrick. Yeah that dude should have never considered such an addiction.) and the many others.
But me?
I have become one of those “You should work out more!” types.
Since I decided to take up this exercising malarkey, I have become one of those obnoxious pretentious idiots that thinks that you should do more exercise. Don’t eat that bacon sarnie, lets go for a run. Put down that cigarette and lets go for a run. Stop praying, lets go for a run. I don’t know where Mecca is, so lets go for a run. Take that needle out of your arm and lets go for a run. Your nose is decomposing from the coke…lets go for a run. You want to have MORE sex? Fine. But once we are finished we are going out for a run. Don’t watch Halloween 3… If you press play, you better run.
Do I want an alcoholic drink? Absolutely. We can go for a run tomorrow.
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