I have noticed that a lot of people that read this site use mobile phones. iPhones, Android phones and even an Etch-a-Sketch. I figured I should probably make things easier for those reading it by using a template that is smartphone friendly. So if you are reading this on something more mobile than a tight pair of trousers, you will notice not a damn thing has changed. Yet. It’s OK, I have added it to my list of things to get done. It is right behind flushing one of my cats down the toilet.
Sadly, it is quite a long list and when I added said flushing of feline down the pan, he was still a little kitten who wouldn’t have required me jamming my hand around the u-bend to get him all the way down. But now he is a fully grown cat and even with the aid of a big stick and a stern talking to, I just don’t think he is gonna go. And it is me who has to unblock it. So. Expect that site redesign to come along just after someone makes a bigger toilet. Or I suppose I could make him smaller. Well….thinner. Like this one which was from the annual cat stretching competition:
I would have shown you a picture of how far I have got my cat stretched now but when they took him away from me, they didnt say where he was going. Hell, they didnt even say goodbye. They said “It’s scum like you that makes this nation look so bad”. Couldn’t work out what he was getting at. I mean really….so I stretched my cat. Look how happy that cat above is! Lovingly staring in to her eyes with a look of “Go on…look away for just one second. I will rip out your heart and serve it to you with some of that disgusting cat milk you make me drink.” But if you get one of those really rubbery cats, you could use them as a bow and arrow or a cross-bow or a thing that resembles a flying cat or something. And the cat will be content because it is finally living up to it’s potential as being a fully fledged flying feline. Try saying that 3 times fast. With a golf ball and half a pack of skittles in your mouth. Go on…I dare you.
You know what…I really cant remember where I was going with this.
I really cant. So. Erm. How are you? Been up to much?
Geez…the silence is deafening.
Hellooooo….anybody?
Fine. Well, while I can’t remember what complete balls I was talking about, lets move on.
Did you know that the bushcricket has the largest testicles of any creature in the world?
I beg to differ *wink* *wink*
But it is true. Prior to that, it was a fruit fly that had the largest set of man marbles. They must be kidding. I have seen a fruit fly and no way was it big enough to carry around a set that would make an elephant blush. How would the little guy fly? Or did he just sit there all day showing off to the lady flies? I mean lets be honest…if I was standing there with the fruit fly version of elephantitis of the trouser department, I am confident I wouldn’t be interested in showing off my flying skills. Far too much room for problems.
But back to old Cricket Nuts. His joy department takes up 14% of his body. 14%!!! Wow. Just…wow. I bet his name was Dick or something equally stupid. And how did they find him? Did he turn up to the annual “My nuts are much bigger than yours” competition? Do they have wider than usual doors just to get the ego’s through? How does this work?
Anyway. Let’s not go there. I am already feeling inferior with my tiny 11.86%ers. *pat* *pat* there there…you will be OK. Lets get back in the gym and go for gold next year.
Right. Where is my cat. The new toilet just turned up.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 