Ever had one of those conversations where you think “Well. That was weird!” and then realise that in some strange way, you are on to something? But it may require a little work first…you know…before the bounds of decency aren’t crossed or you manage to get the majority of the population on board?
A little while ago, I sat with my wife and children in a restaurant having lunch. There, in my wife’s bowl were lots of fried baby squid.
While eating beef that came from an animal that deserved to die because I was hungry, I asked her how she felt eating those little babies.
“Well, if I didn’t, there would be too many in the sea.” She replied.
And that is where the conversation kind of went to pot.
True. If we stopped tearing those baby squid from the sea, they would grow. In to big fat squiddies. They would take over the sea. Over time, there would be so many that the sea would actually come to a standstill.
Ships would grind to a halt in the sludge like sea which is more squid and less water. The world would come to a standstill as cargo of oil being transported could no longer move. The cheap tat that comes from China would no longer make it to our shores. We would be forced to eat local homegrown produce instead of nicking it from another country. Local economies would grow as we stop importing stuff and give local people jobs. People would be happy. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN.
So it is imperative that we eat squid babies. For the good of the world.
But then the conversation grew. It grew in a disturbing way that weirdly made sense.
“So. Are you saying that as there are too many starving African children, we should eat them?” I enquired. In a “I am so much more worldly than you” way.
“Well, no. They don’t have any meat on them. It would be futile.”
A valid point. I mean, I like a rack of ribs as much as the next guy….but without the meat, where are you gaining?
So we decided. We stop farming squid for a while. Just while the stocks grow wildly overpopulated. But not before ships can no longer move because squid utopia would be worrying. What if they come to land and try to take over? I mean…I am happy to go one on one with a person with 2 arms. Even more a person with 1 or less arms. But a squid army? They cant be trusted. They would come to shore. Talk about living together in harmony with us. A few months later as we welcome them to the fold, there would be mass murder on a tentacle scale. That or we would start breeding with them. And that’s a thought that I really dont want to spend too much time on. But you know it would happen. It would be some well known person that gets caught. “Prince William in Squid Shagging Shocker!” would be plastered on the front page of the newspapers. Over time, the royal family would become squid. (Or MORE squid than they are now…)
So anyway…where were we. Oh yes. Once they are at a good overpopulation stage (the squid, not Prince William’s squid family), we rip them from the sea. Bread them up. Deep fry them….and feed them to the starving African children. Who in turn will get fat. Taking care of the “Too many squid spoils the sea” issue. And of the skinny starved African children.
At which point I get my rack of ribs as we eat the now plump tasty well fed African children. Because otherwise they would start overpopulating.
You can judge us…but at least we are thinking about the bigger picture.
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