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Before I start…is that Smeagol behind Obama with his weird little hands getting hold of his precious? Something isn’t right….
Anyway. Why a picture of a racoon and Obama. Let me begin.
Q: What do the US Presidential Elections and Crazy Raccoon Sex have in common?
I should mention here that I don’t know the answer. I really don’t. But for some strange reason, on the day the US were deciding something or other to do with who gets to live in the gingerbread house and have 4 years to eat it before someone else gets a chance, a LOT of the sons and daughters of America were getting to this site via Google after typing in the following search queries:
funny racoon
funny racoon pictures
angry racoon
pictures sexy racoon
A picture of a racoon
racoon sex
drunk racoon
racoons having sex
racoon angry
you will get rogered <– I appreciate this one does not mention raccoons…I just wonder why someone searched for that. It also seems to affirm that the interesting and informative hard hitting journalism I write on this site may at times bring in the wrong kind of reader.
Why are people looking for pictures of sexy racoons? What constitutes a racoon being sexy? I tested this by going to Google Images and searching for “Racoon” and turned the safesearch off. You know what I got? Well it wasn’t an erection. Nor did my heart rate increase. I am thinking that I am the wrong kind of pervert and my deviance’s are a little more off than requiring a simple picture of a racoon to move the blood flow a little further south.
What confuses me more about the whole racoon search keywords is that the searches came from multiple US States. Using multiple Internet providers. What the hell were you all searching for pictures of randy racoons? No seriously. Why?
So I did some investigation (I really didn’t). I checked all the main weird news story sites (Nope, I didn’t do that either). I called some of my American friends (An obvious lie – I have no friends) to find out any gossip. Nothing. Nada.
Did most of the young men of the US end up home alone, got a little bored…decided to mask their Internet surfing with something a little more sensible than a good search of “I want to watch porn but mummy wont let me”?
Or maybe it is just the world we live in now. It has changed. For reasons of fairness, I am going to write the last couple of Internet searches I did. Just to prove that I don’t think that the whole searching for wanting to shag a racoon is normal. Mine are:
Do people have sex with racoons?
Does the US president like to play hide the salami with a medium-sized mammal native to North America?
Why do I have small mushrooms growing out of the end of my wee wee
Hmmm…I guess that they were there because I was searching for news stories related to this post and my confusion. Well, that is my story and I am sticking to it.
The other most popular hit yesterday was to the post I wrote when I stayed up watching Obama get elected four years ago. I would put the link here but I cant be bothered. We both know you wont read it. But this time was different. This time I couldn’t be bothered to stay up and watch.
I wont tell you who my “God I hope it is…” vote went to. Mostly because it is a secret and also it would be unfair on the readers to the site who supported that idiot that lost (I wasn’t a fan…and wont miss him). And because I don’t want to upset Donald Trump…if you haven’t read his twitter feed you are missing out on more random pointless BS than is on this site.
Anyway. Bored now. And The Terminator is on. And what the hell TV show was the woman in who plays Sarah Connor in years ago? I would google it, but I don’t need that kinda stuff in my Internet history…what do you think I am? Some kind of freak?
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 