Someone in Korea woke up one morning and thought “I am going to make a theme park about toilets.” so he did.
I don’t know for sure, but I am fairly confident that he watched Field of Dreams with the ever dreary Costner and had his own “build it and they will come” moment except that his was probably more “”Clench and they will come”. Or “Eat a shedload of chillies and you have no choice…it WILL come”.
Or maybe the tagline for the park is “Lackadaisical Lethargy Leads to Loose Lumps”. It probably isnt. But you know, the average person who thinks that going to a park just so they can find out about s*it may learn something more just from googling the words in the tagline.
But it doesn’t stop there because:
Visitors to the Restroom Cultural Park in the southern city of Suwon can learn fun facts about human poo and look around a toilet-themed art gallery.
Fun facts about human poo??? FUN facts about human poo? What is fun about it? “And this specimen, well you can see the owner had a bumhole shaped like a triangle, so with a little correctly times clenching, it comes out in this toblerone shape”.
No. Poo is jut not fun. I am sorry, but if you took me to a poo themed park (or in the 1980s in England before the “clean up after your dog campaign” we would call it the local kids playing area) I would probably consider posting my own poo through your letterbox.
I just don’t want to learn about it. I really don’t. Walking along the gallery of human feces I don’t want to read “And this one had a bit of blood in it due to the girth to colon size ratio.”
And what if you take kids to the park? The whole damn time they will say “I need a wee.” or they wont. Once. The whole damn time you are there. And then the second you get in the car to drive home, they will declare that they need to go. It is times like that I consider flushing them where that theme park should go.
But what next? A theme park on cheesy toenails? One for interesting shapes made from the contents of a handkerchief following a particularly impressive blow? A collection of dirty odd socks? The merits of politicians? Surely that last one would be the smallest theme park ever. And then they would get sued for lying. “I am not saying it is a bad park, nor am I saying it is a good park.” “But is it a park?” “You are putting words in my mouth here. A park can be looked at in many ways” JUST ANSWER THE EFFING QUESTION YOU LAZY POINTLESS OVERPAID SH*T…” Oooooohhh…so THAT is what they have in the toilet theme park. I finally understand!
I have decided I am going to create one. It is going to be called “Whitespace”. And it will be a big building. Painted white on the inside. And there will be absolutely nothing in it. Because if Mr Toilet can make people come to an “amusement” park which probably has a smell that only a mother could love, then they will pay me money to stand blankly at pointless rubbish. I was originally going to call it Tate Modern but apparently that name has been taken already.
It is unlikely that you are interested, but you can see the news story on the crap-a-thon HERE
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 