There are many things I will never understand in this world. Why I am ill when I have already been ill this year already is one thing. Women is another.
Sure, I could tell you all about my glands being all swollen in my throat (the other gland is asleep unwilling to play) and how much pain I am in, but like an absolute hero of mankind, I am not calling in sick to work, will struggle through without mentioning it to anyone…hell, I am only mentioning it here because you lot wouldn’t give me sympathy if I offered to pay for it. But I am not one to talk too much about my issues. What a guy. But if you want to give me sympathy, you can get me on sy@wheelturninghamsterdead.com and offer me sympathy and love. I should mention that my name isn’t actually Sy. It is Hankerchunklewoot. But people laugh at me when I tell them so I shortened it to something sexier. Like Sy. I mean, I am not admitting I am amazingly attractive to look at, but when the girls look at me, they do often sigh. My wife certainly does. It is normally followed by “Have you STILL not done xxxxx” You can replace the xxxxx with washing, cleaning, bathing, personality transplant etc. Maybe her sigh isn’t in the way that I should take it.
But anyway, before I barely mentioned myself and my incredible ill moment I am going through, I said I didn’t understand women.
Since I was old enough to understand that you never EVER say “Yes, your butt looks HUGE in that dress!” I have been ever increasingly concerned about the quantity of arse transplants going on. I mean, in a way I fully understand the need for an arse transplant. My neighbour Steve is a typical example of an arse that the rest of the neighbourhood would like to transplant to a different location. Totally understandable. But the whole “I need to make my arse look bigger” is one that I and the rest of mankind just don’t understand.
I understand it even less when they have an arse transplant and replace it with a pig as this woman seems to have done:
She looks like she went in to one of those Star Trek transporters with Porky Pig, there was a glitch in the anti matter tachyon confibulator thing and they joined at the arse. That or this woman decided that trying to find a seat on the train was that difficult that she would get her own implanted in to her behind.
Honestly. It IS porky pig isn’t it:
I understand that the picture maybe doesn’t LOOK like Porky Pig, but geez…did I say I was a photoshop expert? No. No I didn’t. And it is obviously a pig because you can see it’s teeth.
But really. Why after generations of “Does my bum look big in this” are we men now thrown the curve ball of some wanting to hear “Yes. Yes it does. It looks ENORMOUS!” In some circles that will result in her turning around, hugging you and telling you she loves you. And in other circles she will castrate you and flush your nuts down the toilet and promise to hunt you down and hurt you if you ever say it again.
It is just not fair.
How would you like it if us men changed something about ourselves? Huh? Well? Yeah…well maybe we will. Maybe we will stop all this fast food and beer drinking. We will get in shape. Get a washboard stomach, get a personality transplant, start washing, buy you flowers and chocolates and bring you surprise gifts just because we love you…you know…end up as a completely different person to the one you chose to be with.
Yeah. Lets see how YOU like being messed about with! Don’t go having a moan when this happens. You threw us the curve ball of “I want my arse to look big in this” so this is our revenge!
Hang on….
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 