At the risk of jumping aboard the bandwagon here, I am quite excited about the end of the world. Sure, the Mayans have played it down…while all moving in to secret underground bunkers hundreds of years ago. I mean, you don’t REALLY think they mostly got wiped out do you?
And NASA have released a video entitled “So the b’stards were right: Where do we go from here?”. The first line of the video says “So why didn’t the world end on the 21st December?” To be honest, I had a curry the other night…my world was over the next morning. Since then I have been living in what can only be described as an afterbirth.
News sites are writing absolute garbage about what may happen Friday which thus far has been categorised as the following: Supervolcano, dark comet, cancer from foxes, a remake of the film Grease…and the absolute scariest way we could go: The “band” One Direction stick around and bore the living hell out of us with their mindless rubbish cunningly disguised as songs.
I say cunningly. They are as cunning as decapitating yourself because you have an itchy foot.
If you don’t know who One Direction are….can I come and live with you? Please? I have cookies!
But I have decided that I can use this whole end of the world thing. I have started to do really daredevil things that when people question it, I reply “End of the world. Innit.” and snap my fingers and go “MmmMMMhhhHmmm” and strut off out of the room.
Such things as leaving the toilet seat up. The wife cannot complain anymore. The world is ending. She has accepted that for a few days, there are more important things to worry about. She also said “If the world doesn’t end, yours may for trying this sh*t on.” so I don’t know. Have I bit off more than I can chew? I even bought Bon Jovi’s greatest hits. Yup. Confusing though. A whole CD and all that was on there was a single track. 20 seconds long. Silent. But I am really getting in to it. Like a solace of just me and that soundless song.
OK fine. About 20 years ago I went to see Bon Jovi. I was given a free ticket. And I kind of wanted to confirm that they were better live than they were on the tape I had. The therapy cost me a fortune.
I have also started to be nice to people I work with. It is really throwing them. “Heyyy….how are you! You look GREAT! Is that a new head? You look sooo much more attractive than you used to when you had that really ugly look going on.” and they look just wondering why you are being so complimentary. If the world doesn’t end, I intend to come back to work on Monday and become Dr Doom.
Of course, while I appreciate that it is indeed a whole load of rubbish and the chances of the world ending are similar to me being told that this site on occasion can be classed as humourous, I worry about people.
People who are stockpiling food all over the place…and moving in to large metal tubes. Yes, while we are rocking it up and going out in style and then turning in to zombies, they will be safe and sound in a metal tube. These people will populate the world once we have turned to zombies. They will be dinner. I get the idea that wont be a big feast of brains. And being a zombie, we wont be able to open those cans they have stockpiled. Are they not thinking of us?
Lets hope the stupid people move in to nice brick houses with no windows when the nuclear holocaust comes. The building will act as an oven. It is easier to eat a human when they are fully cooked.
Trust me. I know.
wheelturninghamsterdead.com 