Author Archives: Sy

During a drive to work a few days ago, I passed (I say passed, but realistically, I was doing my impression of a fighter pilot and flew past at mach 99 with my body moulding to the chair) a bus.  On the bus was an advert which was trying to tempt me away from myContinue reading “When Frankie said “Relax”, he wasn’t thinking about busses.”

An open letter to my cats by me, Sy…aged 34 and almost a half. There are three cats.  They are: Charlie (the mother.  Female…just in case someone needs confirmation on that).  Danni (the daughter.  As the name suggest, female.  I think the daughter bit may have also explained that too).  Yogi (the son.  Also referred toContinue reading “Yes, you may be small, fluffy and black, but get your head out of my rear!”

I read an interesting a news article (because that’s all I have in life after painting my nipples blue and making penguin noises) that said that a Serbian woman was cured of a deadly heart condition after being struck by lightning. I am assuming that her “Deadly heart condition” was actually called  “Still being alive”. Continue reading “Zap me harder, the job’s not quite done!”

There are some things a man should not do.  This is not a sexuality thing, it is purely that for the most part, we are completely crap at it.  In this instance, it was me baking a birthday cake for my daughter’s first birthday.  Of course, had she eaten any of it, I am confidentContinue reading “…add a touch of love and bake until completely screwed.”

In the last year, I have been dribbled on, sneezed on, vomited on, coughed on, punched repeatedly in the face, kicked repeatedly in the fun department and had the freedom to leave the house late at night with no warning taken away. Another way of saying that is “A year in the life of living with myContinue reading “I’m gonna kick you, punch you, vomit on you and unconditionally love you”

In something you read everyday in the highbrow newspapers, a woman in Ghana married her dog because she said it reminded her of her late father.  I would question why he is late, but it will end up being a witch hunt about his watch being on a different time zone or something.  But regardless…Continue reading “The tail might wag, but it is likely that the sex is going to be crap”

Every year, when the summer sun comes out and I get the unbelievably stupid idea that I can do DIY.   That I, the master of disaster, can actually take something and improve it. It happens every year without fail.  And every year I manage to fail.  I get all “Yeah!  Fixing stuff!” without that memoryContinue reading “It could be worse, I could glue myself to an animals genitals.”

It is amazing that I remembered to write this post.  I have had recently, what can only be described as a frontal lobotomy.  Or maybe a frontal enema due to the complete lack of memories in my head recently which have fallen out and are left nowhere to be seen.  But then…frontal enema?  It sounds messy. Continue reading “I wouldn’t say I have a bad memory, but…erm…oh look, the moon!”

It started with a sniff. Then a sneeze. Then even a cough or two mixed in with a sore throat. And then my nose exploded.  Well OK, I don’t mean exploded.  It is still very much attached to my face and looks the same as it always has.  But what the hell is trying toContinue reading “Why is there an alien taking a crap out of my nose?”