Lets be honest. Condoms. They serve a great purpose. Especially in stopping the “I didn’t use one and now I itch like a dog with a flea infestation” department. But then, humping a carpet can leave you with the same problem. Apparently. Lets not dwell on that part too much though. It was during whatContinue reading “Strap-on condoms. As clever as poking yourself in the eye with a pork chop.”
Author Archives: Sy
Today is not the day to handle a baby devil.
Ever had one of those conversations where you think “Well. That was weird!” and then realise that in some strange way, you are on to something? But it may require a little work first…you know…before the bounds of decency aren’t crossed or you manage to get the majority of the population on board? A littleContinue reading “Today is not the day to handle a baby devil.”
Car + Road + Bunny = Splendid Dinner
Following on from the mess that was my open letter to Mother Nature in the last post, a letter I must add that she has NOT replied to (that bitch!), I thought I would continue along my path of things that evolution could do with having a chat with. (Note to self: Another reason forContinue reading “Car + Road + Bunny = Splendid Dinner”
An open letter to Mother Nature
Mother (Can I call you that?) I am feeling a little let down. I feel that you are dropping the ball a little recently. Let me explain why, and then feel free to sort it the hell out. Please. The list could be endless, but because this is all about me, let’s talk about theContinue reading “An open letter to Mother Nature”
Missing: 2 hours of my life
I don’t ask for much. I have simple pleasures. For example I want to book out a couple of hours on 8 or 9 weekends a year to watch England rugby games. It is my passion….by passion I mean “I love sitting there drinking beer shouting at the telly and hating it when my wife’sContinue reading “Missing: 2 hours of my life”
I want to kill sy from wheelturninghamsterdead
A few days ago, someone came to my site via google with the search phrase “Who is sy from wheelturninghamsterdead”. Stalkerish? Maybe. More worrying was the day after that someone from the same place (city) searched for “killing someone while having sex” which made me worry more about the first search. I don’t really understandContinue reading “I want to kill sy from wheelturninghamsterdead”
It might be tasty, but I would rather know who I was eating.
As I rapidly approach that time of the year where candles become a fire hazard, I can’t help but think how much last years present was maybe a little more disappointing than I was hoping for, and don’t hold out a vast quantity of hope for what may be given this year. Last year myContinue reading “It might be tasty, but I would rather know who I was eating.”
Don’t start on the marshmallows until I have been burning for a while
It’s not that I am anti-religious. I just have my beliefs that it’s all a load of boohickey and thus, being my website, my word is final. Therefore, finding myself stood in a church the past weekend made for some interesting viewing. It was a wedding. A happy occasion. Except that I seemed to beContinue reading “Don’t start on the marshmallows until I have been burning for a while”
Is that a grenade between your arse cheeks or did your testicles just fall off?
I think I got awkwardly close to being arrested by the UK anti-terrorism police last week. Why? Because I have put on a little weight. No, I don’t mean that overweight (and in my case ugly) people are terrorists and that slim attractive people are like a rainbow that has each end delving deeply inContinue reading “Is that a grenade between your arse cheeks or did your testicles just fall off?”
Gunpowder filled vibrators. Not as much fun as you may think.
Nothing says “I love you….but I think you should die” like a Christmas gift in the guise of a vibrator loaded with gunpowder, BB Shot and buck shot. Does it? I dunno…I mean sure, I once bough an ex girlfriend a Christmas present that made her eyes water, but I am pretty sure that theContinue reading “Gunpowder filled vibrators. Not as much fun as you may think.”
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