Category Archives: General Madness

It’s always the same. You are sitting with a girl.  She sits on your lap.  She wants to cuddle.  You want to watch the TV. She cries.  Becomes needy and attention demanding. You give her attention, but you have one eye on the TV.  You waited all week to watch this, and NOW she getsContinue reading “It’s one thing to have a cuddle, but another to realise that she doesn’t love you.”

A British guy who may or may not be a little bit of a nutcase (why did he have to be a fellow Brit?  I mean holy hell!) is considering suing our largest supermarket chain because he was asked to leave for wearing a hood. Oh, did I mention he is the “Jedi church leader ofContinue reading “Jedi Church Leader seeks Pig. GSOH important.”

The makers of Viagra (I can hear the filtering service for the people that receive this post by email working overtime) are working on a cream to replace the familiar little blue tablet.  Did I say familiar? And blue?  And little?  I mean “to replace what they use now. ” Is it a tablet?  I don’t know!Continue reading “No need to swallow, lets just rub it in!”

There I was, minding my own business.  Reading a news site I like to read (it has pictures!) and then…screaming at me from the page…was the most pointless news story in the world.  Filler if you will.  “We have to use up this column…what can we put there?  There is no real news…anyone got anything?”Continue reading “…and in other news, shock bloody horror.”

In the last couple of weeks, my daughter has taken the big move from crawling to walking.  Another way of saying that, is saying watching her “walk” bares a similar resemblance to watching ET in the slow moving queue for the toilet.  And he just had a big dose of MSG.  And he is MSG intolerant. Continue reading “It’s like watching a one footed duck cutting it’s toenails”

About 37 days ago, I came up with this awesome idea to give myself 8 weeks to go from super sloth to get fit enough to run 10K in well under 50 minutes.    A feat that to the average runner is almost the bread and butter running.  To me, someone who hasn’t run for years…it’sContinue reading “Wanted: Sanity and a better idea…”

During a drive to work a few days ago, I passed (I say passed, but realistically, I was doing my impression of a fighter pilot and flew past at mach 99 with my body moulding to the chair) a bus.  On the bus was an advert which was trying to tempt me away from myContinue reading “When Frankie said “Relax”, he wasn’t thinking about busses.”

An open letter to my cats by me, Sy…aged 34 and almost a half. There are three cats.  They are: Charlie (the mother.  Female…just in case someone needs confirmation on that).  Danni (the daughter.  As the name suggest, female.  I think the daughter bit may have also explained that too).  Yogi (the son.  Also referred toContinue reading “Yes, you may be small, fluffy and black, but get your head out of my rear!”

I read an interesting a news article (because that’s all I have in life after painting my nipples blue and making penguin noises) that said that a Serbian woman was cured of a deadly heart condition after being struck by lightning. I am assuming that her “Deadly heart condition” was actually called  “Still being alive”. Continue reading “Zap me harder, the job’s not quite done!”

There are some things a man should not do.  This is not a sexuality thing, it is purely that for the most part, we are completely crap at it.  In this instance, it was me baking a birthday cake for my daughter’s first birthday.  Of course, had she eaten any of it, I am confidentContinue reading “…add a touch of love and bake until completely screwed.”