Category Archives: General Madness

In the last year, I have been dribbled on, sneezed on, vomited on, coughed on, punched repeatedly in the face, kicked repeatedly in the fun department and had the freedom to leave the house late at night with no warning taken away. Another way of saying that is “A year in the life of living with myContinue reading “I’m gonna kick you, punch you, vomit on you and unconditionally love you”

In something you read everyday in the highbrow newspapers, a woman in Ghana married her dog because she said it reminded her of her late father.  I would question why he is late, but it will end up being a witch hunt about his watch being on a different time zone or something.  But regardless…Continue reading “The tail might wag, but it is likely that the sex is going to be crap”

Every year, when the summer sun comes out and I get the unbelievably stupid idea that I can do DIY.   That I, the master of disaster, can actually take something and improve it. It happens every year without fail.  And every year I manage to fail.  I get all “Yeah!  Fixing stuff!” without that memoryContinue reading “It could be worse, I could glue myself to an animals genitals.”

It is amazing that I remembered to write this post.  I have had recently, what can only be described as a frontal lobotomy.  Or maybe a frontal enema due to the complete lack of memories in my head recently which have fallen out and are left nowhere to be seen.  But then…frontal enema?  It sounds messy. Continue reading “I wouldn’t say I have a bad memory, but…erm…oh look, the moon!”

It started with a sniff. Then a sneeze. Then even a cough or two mixed in with a sore throat. And then my nose exploded.  Well OK, I don’t mean exploded.  It is still very much attached to my face and looks the same as it always has.  But what the hell is trying toContinue reading “Why is there an alien taking a crap out of my nose?”

Dear site.  It’s been 691200 seconds since my last post and I have a confession.  I finally have a bit of quiet time to actually be able to write a post! But first…a drink.  Sparkling water.  It’s not beer, but it’s the way I fly these days. Now.  Where was I?  Ah yes.   I readContinue reading “She’s already had the kid. Lose the fat tubby!”

It is nearly that time of the year when we have the local government elections over here in Blighty.  That means two things: 1 – I really don’t care and 2 – Oh my god I don’t care! Because they are all as bad as each other.  Well, kind of.  Some are a little…well, lets justContinue reading “Vote Justice Party for complete stupidity”

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago.  In it I was told that I would die last Monday.  Luckily, I am still here.  Unlike this site which with the updates I have done recently are leading into a slow and painful death.  I may speed it up soon though.  The death of theContinue reading “Don’t use too much embalming fluid, I won’t fit in to my funeral outfit.”

It never ceases to amaze me what I find in the list of keywords that find this site.  Granted, everyone searches for it for a reason, but take this one for instance: can sniffer dogs smell dogs in my arse Huh?  There must be an easier way to smuggle Chihuahua’s and Great Danes in to other countries. Continue reading “Did you hear about dolphins killing people while having sex?”

Continuing from the last post about Travis the challenged SatNav…. Yes, poor Travis the SatNav with a female voice was not only confused vocally, (s)he was also as damned hormonal as you can get. I am confident that when they created him, they took as much sarcasm and cynicism as they could and plonked itContinue reading “Travis the SatNav of Dooooom – Part 2”