Category Archives: General Madness

I’ve had some crazy ideas in the past.  But you would think that with the years ticking past, I would of learnt the whole “Cause and Effect” thing. My oldest daughter learnt it early on by knowing that if she punches me in the joy department as a joke that Daddy gets a touch annoyed. Continue reading “Wanted: Pain. Apply within. Actually, no…apply externally.”

Ah yes.  The 4th July.  That day when we eat too much, drink too much and party a little too much.  OK, by “we”, I mean “you”.  And by “you”, I mean “The people in the US”.  Today I am going to celebrate Higgs-Boson day.  Because although I know as much about physics as IContinue reading “Drinking blood at high speed will help you meet god. Fact. Not confirmed.”

Once again I appear after another extended break.  By “break”, I mean “I really just couldn’t be bothered to write anything on here.”  This is for a couple of reasons. Reason 1 – I am so utterly boring, writing about things I do at home would mean I should rename the site to “Crap youContinue reading “I wasn’t looking. It was just…there. No, you are way better. Yes, I love you too.”

According to the stats for the site, I get a lot of hits everyday for people searching for “vegetarian memory loss”.  Who is searching for this?  How do they know they have memory loss if you cant remember what you were looking for in the first place?  Are people very forgetful or are they justContinue reading “Sinister snowman seeks goldfish for…I cant remember.”

Ah yes.  Valentines day is on the horizon.  A time of year when between the 5th and 13th of the month, many young males will use the words “It just isn’t working out.  No, it isn’t you.  It isn’t anything to do with your over-sized head, clown feet and the fact that in the morning youContinue reading “Get my nuts out of your mouth…we are splitting up until the 15th.”

A couple of weeks ago there was a slight accident at my house.  By “slight accident” I mean some degenerate idiot managed to lob a chunk of concrete at the window and it smashed.  Sadly I wasn’t home as otherwise I would have got to enjoy having a criminal record from what happened when IContinue reading “Tazers and Concrete Flossing…It’s Just A Normal Day”

I am not the greatest conversationalist in the world.  I have a habit of finding that line that you do not cross….and then taking a running jump and seeing just how far over I can get.  Then I will try again. I then manage to keep trying unabatedly until I realise I am the only personContinue reading “Take as long as you want. No not that long. Done already? Why did we bother?”

It is believed by many in the “Wow, it is a slow news day…we should probably make something up” circles that today is the day most people break their new year resolutions. 5 days in to the new year?  Really?  What kind of stupid targets are they setting themselves that they fail so easily? “IContinue reading “Broken: New years resolutions. Fixed: New years resolutions.”

Well, here we are.  2012.  The year the world ends.  Apparently.  You know, if you are some crazed whackjob that thinks a gazillion years ago some guy was too lazy to finish his calendar off and instead said to his boss “Yeah man…look…I have gone as far as I can go.  When I was onContinue reading “Customer service doesnt work when they tell you that you are going to die”

I think I am dying.  You women give it all the “oh I gave birth” and “I am ill but a mother doesn’t stop” rubbish…but sorry, I am so much iller than you women get.  I have the worst headcold.  Ever.  Period. I can only breath through one nostril as the other has decided toContinue reading “You women dont know how bad it really is. I am ILL.”