Category Archives: General Madness

Lets be honest.  Condoms.  They serve a great purpose. Especially in stopping the “I didn’t use one and now I itch like a dog with a flea infestation” department.  But then, humping a carpet can leave you with the same problem.  Apparently.  Lets not dwell on that part too much though.  It was during whatContinue reading “Strap-on condoms. As clever as poking yourself in the eye with a pork chop.”

Ever had one of those conversations where you think “Well.  That was weird!” and then realise that in some strange way, you are on to something?  But it may require a little work first…you know…before the bounds of decency aren’t crossed or you manage to get the majority of the population on board? A littleContinue reading “Today is not the day to handle a baby devil.”

Following on from the mess that was my open letter to Mother Nature in the last post, a letter I must add that she has NOT replied to (that bitch!), I thought I would continue along my path of things that evolution could do with having a chat with. (Note to self:  Another reason forContinue reading “Car + Road + Bunny = Splendid Dinner”

I don’t ask for much.  I have simple pleasures.  For example I want to book out a couple of hours on 8 or 9 weekends a year to watch England rugby games.  It is my passion….by passion I mean “I love sitting there drinking beer shouting at the telly and hating it when my wife’sContinue reading “Missing: 2 hours of my life”

As I rapidly approach that time of the year where candles become a fire hazard, I can’t help but think how much last years present was maybe a little more disappointing than I was hoping for, and don’t hold out a vast quantity of hope for what may be given this year. Last year myContinue reading “It might be tasty, but I would rather know who I was eating.”

Nothing says “I love you….but I think you should die” like a Christmas gift in the guise of a vibrator loaded with gunpowder, BB Shot and buck shot.  Does it?  I dunno…I mean sure, I once bough an ex girlfriend a Christmas present that made her eyes water, but I am pretty sure that theContinue reading “Gunpowder filled vibrators. Not as much fun as you may think.”

In possibly the worst news since Sonny turned to Cher and said “You know….I may be wrong, but I get the idea I may have a little bit of a violent side.  Lets find out!”, I can’t help wondering how the coffee percolator thing ran out of fiters, meaning I am nil by filtered coffeeContinue reading “And on the seventh day, he was blind and smelt like a horses arse.”

Happy new thing.  I hope that you have all made your new year resolutions and have accepted that 6 out of 4 resolutions are broken within an hour of making them. I only made 2.  1 is to be a better father (hell, I really can’t get any worse…) and 2 is to be aContinue reading “…And all that could have been but I never got around to doing.”

I love my kids.  I really do.  I tell people about them, I put photos up on Facebook and I don’t tell lies about them. Unlike some people. Yup, it is that time of the year again where we (regardless of faith…or in my case utter lack of it) celebrate the birth of some kid,Continue reading “2010 years later, they are still bloody going on about it.”

I live in a nice area.  There are trees, roads, some nice people and some complete and utter dumbwits thrown in for good measure.  It’s a real mix of normality through to dumbest individuals to crawl out of the primordial soup, strap on some baggy trousers and leave school at the age of 5. ForContinue reading “Careful…it’s a molotov lamppost.”