On Monday night, Rajendra Pachauri, who chairs the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) will make a speech that will send the audience to sleep. Just like the name of his gang.
It is one thing to have a gang with a name that makes sense, like where I live. We have the “It’s 3am and we are drunk so lets be a nonsensical shouting idiot” gang and the “Why would I get a job when I am an unintelligent swamp rat” gang. Both are strangely in the 16-20 year old age range and have the exact same members. But we don’t have a Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change gang where I live.
The reason for this? Because unlike the 2 previous gangs that one day (I hope!) will grow up and be of some use to society, this gang makes really stupid comments like
People should consider eating less meat as a way of combating global warming
This is because
Direct emissions from meat production account for about 18% of the world’s total greenhouse gas emissions
Then they go on to talk about some crap which I don’t care for. Something about gasses from the animal’s behind, and vehicles transporting the meat creating Greenhouse Gasses.
Lets be realistic. This guy got turned down by a cow at some point didn’t he. He is trying to ruin it for the rest of us because Bessie told him to go jump.
So we are supposed to eat more vegetables. But aren’t some vegetables grown in greenhouses? If he wants to ask a marrow out and gets turned down, I am happy to insert it somewhere the sun doesn’t shine. And I don’t mean Uranus.
Two things that bother me about the whole eating vegetables thing is this:
1 – They are called “Greenhouse Gases”. They are NOT called “Animal Gasses” or “Vehicle Gasses”. What aren’t they telling us? Why are they called “Greenhouse Gases”? Have you ever seen a cow grown in a Greenhouse?
2 – The more vegetables people eat, the more “Gaseous” they become. So what happens? We stop eating meat, and we destroy the planet anyway with the side effect of eating vegetables and will have an abundance of cow’s on the planet. It will be like Planet of the Apes, but with the Bovine population taking over and making the few humans that remain their love slaves.
If you think I am going to let some cow with illusions of grandeur take me roughly because some dude told me to eat vegetables, he is in for one very big surprise.
The other thing here is that if we were to just eat vegetables and no of the fun stuff, we wouldn’t turn in to superhero’s.
Yes you heard that right. Superhero’s. Eating a vast quantity of unhealthy foods will make you a superhero. You will be able to stop bullets when they hit your stomach.
What? You need proof? Fine! The story is sitting HERE. Or I can just put the following quote which says it all:
Medics found the bullet stuck in rolls of fat when it fell out during a routine examination for injuries.
This was two days after being mugged.
So there you have it. Don’t eat meat, still don’t save the planet. Alternatively, eat meat and become a superhero.
I know what one I am going for! Pass the steak!
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